Memoirs of an Outstanding* Teen

Chapter 52: The Return of the Comments

Well, in any case, that's as much as I'm comfortable sharing at the moment about that part of my mid-2014 experiences. I'm sure many of you will agree it's much more than enough. You wouldn't want to eat more when you're already stuffed would you? *wink*

So, as you can imagine, I was gaining weight at that time. It was winter though, so in the beginning, and especially at home, I could hide it under the jackets and sweatpants. At school, perhaps it was more visible, but strangers are usually much more sensitive compared to family, and maybe they just didn't point out what they saw. Eventually, though, the filled-out sweatpants couldn't cover it up anymore. They all started noticing.

It still stung though. It hurt like an already broken bone being hit with the hammer. I was still that ED girl from Grade 10. I was still obsessed with my weight even with my outrageous new habits. I still shuddered when I thought of those pictures of Grade 8 where it all began. I was still terrified of going back there.

Say for instance you stepped into a lion's cage by accident. You got badly wounded by the lion, and you barely managed to escape and get healed. You then swore on everything holy that you would never in your earthly life go back into that lion's cage. And then later, you found yourself being pushed back into the cage again. That's just cruel, isn't it?

But life doesn't care if you've been hurt by the lion before. Life will push you back in.

So, there I was. Having to hear it all over again, now with no youthful innocence to buffer the pain.

"Nelu is gaining weight. Why? She's not exercising anymore?" I was less than 5 meters away from the person who said that. How he possibly thought I couldn't hear him, I don't know.

While I was changing out of my pyjamas one morning, someone said, and I quote, "Wow! You're packed!" I knew exactly what they meant, as they said it. They meant I filled out my pyjama pants. But when I prompted them to explain, they went on and said, "No, I meant your bag. You packed it already, right?" My bag was nowhere in sight...

Someone with a little bit more sensitivity said, "You've been munching a little more than usual this winter, haven't you?" And as if that wouldn't slice my heart to bits already, someone else, who at that point had at least 70 pounds on me, responded with, "Yeah, these days she's bigger than me. Hehehe!"

And then someone, on returning home after being abroad for over a year, as soon as they saw me and without greeting me first, said, "Nelu is fat!"

Why, thank you for noticing! Ever so clear. Ever so succinct. Directly to the point.

Again, imagine returning to the thing you hated and feared the most. Every single one of these comments hammered my heart in different ways. But in the beginning, before the August exams, I eased the pain telling myself, "It will all be worth it after the finals. And you'll go back to exercising and calorie counting. Everything will go back to normal."