Memoirs of an Outstanding* Teen

Chapter 28: What I Mean Is "Help Me"

I went on to read a little more about how to get out of it all. And again, as if conspiring, they all said, "Just forget about the scale and eat whenever you're hungry."

While reading this, all I could think of was that article that I read, on the very first day that I decided to start counting the calories. It said if you increase your calorie intake, by even a minute amount after being on a diet for so long, you're going to gain weight all the weight back at an incredibly fast rate. You'll end up weighing even more than you did when you started. And again, I had those pictures of the previous me in my head. On the pre-assembly block, them laughing, Riana... the comments... "No, I can't do it! I can't go back there!"

"Why don't they give me a plan that I can follow? By how much should I increase my calories and for how long? I don't want to gain all the 13 kilograms back, just 2 so I can be in the healthy range again, get my cycle back."

With the frustration I felt, I could have broken the laptop with my bare hands. Though, I probably wouldn't have had the strength to break it with my constantly low blood sugar.

Try my luck with the doctor? Maybe he could see my problem and give me an escape plan. But I couldn't tell him I thought I had an ED. "You're telling me, that a girl in sub-Saharan Africa has an eating disorder? Impossible!" He would think I had just lost a little weight and I was freaking out. "

And what if I am freaking out for no reason? At 47 kg, my BMI is 17.5. Underweight, yes, but just slightly. Those other girls get to 15 and lower. But what about the counting? The obsession? The moods? The cycle? Osteoporosis... Children..." And to be painfully honest, more than anything, I just didn't want to be constantly hungry anymore.

"I haven't had my period in six months." That's the only thing I said to the doctor when she asked me what the problem was.