Memoirs of an Outstanding* Teen

Chapter 56: Are You Really Gonna Kick Me

A few days after I had gotten my report, just as the pain was beginning to ease away, while I was still struggling to get back on my feet, we had a very respected family member come to visit us at home.

And again, I wish this was a joke. I wish I was kidding. Maybe that way, the very memory of it won't make me clutch my chest in horror and pain.

They had already prepared her for the sight of me. They had already told her, "You won't believe how fat Nelu looks now!" and as I made my way to the sitting room, I could already hear them laughing. When I got to the door, she turned and looked at me with an expression of shock and mocking laughter on her face.

I greeted her. She didn't reply. Instead she said, "Nelu! Is that you?!" And she continued laughing, pausing ever so frequently to look me up and down and say "Ah!" in jeering surprise. I walked to shake her hand. She still didn't greet back but continued with her laughing. Then, I kid you not, she said, "So did someone do this to you?" Then she went on to puff up her cheeks as if blowing a balloon.

I hope you were sitting down for that one.

I couldn't take it any longer. I walked back to my room while they continued to laugh behind my back, didn't wait for her to greet me back.

Again, the self-hate came down on me like an avalanche of bricks. I threw myself on the bed, grabbed the pillow, buried my face in it, and cried.

Oh, my God! So, fat and disgusting! Such a lazy bum. And stupid too. Did you see that report? Good for nothing! Worthless! You're going nowhere! You let yourself get so disgusting, and you might not even get that spot! So stupid!

It turns out when you're down, life mistakes you for a soccer ball and kicks you again. A penalty kick. Another goal for life! Another one bites the dust.

I just wanted to feel clean again. The next day, I went on a 10km walk, and made sure to eat as little as possible.