Surviving

Chapter Thirty Five

Rossana's POV

There is a monster inside me that wants to crawl out. This monster takes my humanity and blinds me with rage. I cannot stop it sometimes.

I'm afraid. This monster in my head is laughing at me, taunting me. I have never taken a life, its haunting and tormenting. After disposing of the body, I locked myself in my room staring at my reflection in the mirror. My image leaves a bile taste in my mouth, as the images of what i have done keep flashing in my mind.

Am i like HIM? A monster that takes lives while feeling pleasure? Have i succumbed to the darkness, enough to not feel an ounce of guilt for what i have done? Am i a monster? I see uglyness, distaste as my image shatters by my fist making shards of glass fall on the floor.

A knock takes me out of my thoughts as they call out to me. "Rossana?...." I stayed quiet, staring at the broken mirror with my broken image. Jack knocks again, "Rose. Please let us in....We're worried about you....You've been in your room for two hours. Please let us in. Let us comfort you."

Two hours? I have literally been sitting here for two hours?! Noah's voice sounded worried, "Rose. Let us in. Please." I whimper at the sound of my brothers voice. Do they not fear me? How can they still care and worry about a monster like me?

"Rossana. Open this door or i will break it down!" Mason's voice was loud as he pounds on my door. I could hear them yelling at each other. I hate it, i don't want them to fight because we need each other and we need to stay together. Slowly i unlock my door making them stop as i open the door. My head is down and my eyes are shut, not wanting to see the emotions in theirs.

A warm hand held my chin and gently raised my head, "Rossana. Look at us. Please." I shake my head no hoping they will let it go, but Mason spoke again, "Why don't you want to look at us?" My heart ached at the sadness in his voice, but i don't want to risk opening my eyes to see the dissapointment or fear in theirs. He asks again so i speak my mind and whisper, "I don't.... I don't want to see.... I don't want to see the fear.... the dissapointment you all must feel for me.... I don't want you to see the monster i have become.... I don't want you to fear me..." I didn't know i had tears running down my face until someone wiped them away with their thumb, while caressing my cheek as well.

Mason's POV

I wiped her tears as my heart tightened in pain from hearing how broken her voice sounded. "Are you regretting what you did?" She opened her eyes, the green popping out more with her red eyes from the tears. Her eyes showed anger as she grits her teeth, "Thats the thing. I don't feel any remorse for what i did, i enjoyed seeing him suffer..."

She looks down, "When i saw the lifeless eyes...I knew that i was a monster...I didn't feel sad for him, i couldn't....but while i was blinded by rage, it didn't cross my mind about what you guys would think of me. Would you fear me as well? Will you hate me? Am i a monster in your eyes?..."

Sam takes a step towards her as i drop my hand from her cheek. "Do you remember one night that you told us that you were a monster. That if we saw you differently, it was allright to leave?" Rossana stared at him then nods. "We told you that we are not afraid and that we will stick by your side no matter what, because that is what family does. Family sticks together and have each others back. Rose, sometimes we do things to get closure knowing that our lives wont be the same after." Sam wraps his arms around her, hugging her tiny body to his. "We don't think differently of you. You are broken just like us, yet you're stronger than us at times. You keep it together when we lose ourselves sometimes. You take us out of our misery with your hugs or your words." He cups her cheeks making her look at him, "You. Are. Not. A. Monster... If you see yourself that way no matter what we say, then we are monsters as well. You're not alone anymore, we won't let you go through this alone just lile you wouldn't leave us if our thoughts were the same. We love you Rose."