The Chain (A Catherine Diary) - Stamfield. Complete

Chapter 56

56

Monday college can be really exciting. You get to see all your friends again, especially the ones that you're less likely to see over the weekend. Usually by the end of Monday, that excitement has disappeared.

But Monday morning is a "wake up early" day, not just for me, but most of the girls turn up at college early on Monday. So, after showering, dressing in jeans and a red t-shirt saying "get me out of here", having breakfast and brushing my teeth, I was about to rush out the door, when mum called me back.

I stepped back into the kitchen, I figured maybe I'd forgotten my packed lunch.

'Do you have a few minutes to chat?', it was a rhetorical question, 'I wanted to speak to you about your father'.

Wow, with all that had been going on, I had almost forgot I was meeting him after college.

'I'll give you a ring when he's dropping me off', what I meant was when we were leaving to come back home, but I knew mum understood me. In fact if there was one person who understood me the best, it was mum. I could grunt, when I'm tired and she would know if I was asking to switch channels on the television or offering her a biscuit.

'That's not what I was going to talk about', she said interrupting my thoughts. Unfortunately, it didn't work the other way. I could never tell what mum was going to say. In fact most of the time she'd have to spell it out for me. 'I wanted to ask you not to be too hard on your father'.

The thought hadn't crossed my mind, but once she had mentioned it, thoughts came flooding back to me. About the fact he left us, because of me, because I wasn't a color he approved of. But not only did he leave me, that I could probably have coped with, but he also left Mum and Andrew, which may have brought myself and mum closer together, but I was sure Andrew never forgave me for, even though he didn't know for certain it was my fault.

I had to remind myself, why was I going to see him? I looked at mum and saw the sadness and apprehension. This meeting I was attending with dad, meant far more to her than it did to me. I wondered if mum still was living with the hope he would come back to her and everything would be like it used to be.

'I'll be nice, mum. Respectful', that was a good word, I thought, the type mum liked, she was always saying, "if you can't be anything else, be respectful"

She smiled. I couldn't tell how genuine it was and I felt some slight apprehension about meeting him. It was probably the first time I felt that way and mum's facial expressions weren't making me any less anxious.

'I know you will dear', she said, pulling me into a hug.

My face went into her armpit, which I would usually object to, however I had the feeling mum needed the hug badly and I didn't want to spoil it for her.