The Chain (A Catherine Diary) - Stamfield. Complete

Chapter 87

87

We all watched him walk down the street, wondering if he'd turn back. He didn't. He was gone one hundred yards, when Dwayne turned to me, 'you sure you're okay?'

'I am thanks'. For the first time, I actually saw what other girls saw in Dwayne. He was tall, strong, muscular, cute face, confident and dark. Well, actually he wasn't just dark, he was black and therein lay the problem for me. This may take a little bit of explaining. I live in a white family, I'm dark, in fact I looked mixed race and in a way (generations back), I am. But by being mixed race, I almost feel I don't belong in my family and there are times when I'm out with them, that people either find it hard to believe I'm my mother's child or they think I'm adopted. Not to mention, my dad walked out on us, because he either couldn't handle a mixed race daughter or more likely, he thought he was raising another man's child. All this, plus my experiences at school, have enhanced within me an increased desire to be with a white boy and even though I can see when black boys are attractive, they don't do anything for me.

So, standing there seeing Dwayne and understanding the attraction others had for him, did not equate to me fancying him.

'I'm okay, just a little shaken', I said, 'it's a good job you two were around', as I said it, I remembered they had been heading away from me last time I saw them. 'Thanks'

'It's cool, we're good at saving damsels in distress', he joked.

I found it amusing, but couldn't pull out a laugh.

Dwayne put an arm around my shoulder. 'You sure you're okay, we can walk you home'.

I looked at him, not my ideal knight in shining white armor. I laughed to myself, thinking, at one point Aiden had been that knight. I remembered all the feelings I had for him, wishing the evenings away, so I could get to see him, getting excited when his name would pop up on my mobile phone, having that thrill when he kissed me. I remember dreaming about spending the rest of my life with him, getting married, having children, growing old together. It seemed such a long time ago.

'No, I'll be fine'

'I'm not really asking. We'll walk you home, if not for you, for our own peace of mind, just in case that Aiden does turn up again'. He managed to be firm, while maintaining his protector caring role. Quite a balancing act.

'I guess I have no choice', I said feeling more relaxed and bringing a smile to my face.