Our Future||Dan Howell X Reader

Okay, We Really Have To Talk Because I'm Freaking Out

"Hey, Y/N."

"Yeah?"

You and Dan were sitting side by side in bed. Him planning out his next video, you trying to figure how you're going to tell the internet of your pregnancy.

"So, I was reading this parenting book..."

"Oh, god, what are we going wrong?" You ask, turning only your head to look at him.

Dan cracks a smile, shaking his head at you. "Y/N, how could we do something wrong already?"

You shake your head, shrugging. "I always find a way to f*ck things up, even if it's impossible."

Dan stares at you, looking deep into your eyes, trying to figure out what the hell you're saying. "Y/N... are you okay?"

You hesitate, looking up at him, staring into his eyes. "No, Dan... I'm not okay." And then you snapped. (i'm not okaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, i'm not okay, i'm not okay, you wear me out)

Right then and there, like a breaking a pencil. Hard at first, but then it just breaks all at once, making you jump.

"How are you okay? This whole time I'm trying to keep everything in to make sure you don't break down. And you're not! I am! How do you do that? How are you okay with this?"

Tears stream out of your eyes like a waterfall. You're telling Dan the truth for the first time. I didn't even know I felt that way...

"Y/N..."

"Dan, we're going to have a kid. It's not like owning a pet... this is something we can't just brush off! I don't even know If i'm ready to have kids... I don't even know if I want kids..."

"Don't say that, Y/N." Dan stares at you, trying so hard to put you back to together. But it's too late. You've been broken for a long time now. "You're just upset."

"Exactly!" You cry. "I don't even know what I'm saying anymore because I'm just so scared... i'm so scared..." You shake your head, wiping your tears with your sweatshirt sleeves, but they just keep coming.

"It's okay to be scared." Dan tells you. "I'm scared too. It's normal."

But it's like he's not listening. "This is going to change everything, Dan. Nothing is going to ever be the same. I don't know if I can handle this..."

Dan has had enough of your sobbing, feeling sorry for yourself crap. He grabs your shoulders firmly, making you look up at him.

Tears continue to fall from your eyes, staining your face and clothes. "You can handle this, Y/N. You can. You always say you're weak, you're not strong enough. But you are. Believe it or not, you're the strongest person I know."

You let yourself sob, listening to his inspiring words. He's too good for anyone or anything. "It's okay to be a glow stick."

It's okay to be a glow stick.

You manage a small, ugly laugh through your loud, disgusting sobs.

He's referring to the time back when you were dating. You were walking around London and outside of a small coffee shop on a corner of an uncrowned area, there was a small chalk bored sign that read 'it's okay to be a glow stick.'

So, generally you were confused as anyone would be. And if Dan didn't know what it meant, it'd kill him. So you went inside. Asking about the sign outside.

The girl behind the counter, the owner, shrugged. "Whatever you make of it, that's what it is." She had told Dan.

And that bugged Dan. "What is it to you?" He asked her.

The girl smiled, staring up at the tall boy. "If I told you, it'd ruin the whole concept you figuring out it means to you."

For the rest of the day, wherever you went, Dan would try to figure it out. "Maybe... It means we can all glow in the darkness."

"Maybe it means we're all sticks of color glowing plastic." You suggest.

Dan smiles, rolling his eyes playfully. "I don't think so..."

"Why is this bugging you so much?" You ask him, a smirk on your face.

Dan shrugs. "I want to know what it means."

"Well," You looked into his chocolate brown eyes. "What does it mean to you? Not anyone else. You."

It took him days to try and figure it out. But once he did, once you asked him, "What comes to mind when you hear the phrase?"

He had the most beautiful, poetic answer.

Dan smiles, also remembering back to that day. That day, it was the only thing he concentrated on. That stupid phrase... Yes, it was stupid. But he made it beautiful.

"It's okay to be a glow stick." Dan repeats nodding. "Sometimes we have to break before we shine."

You nod, wiping your tears all over again. "Sometimes we have to break before we shine." You agree through the soft sobs that have calmed down grammatically.

"Remember everything you've faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome. This is it, Y/N. This is what our paths have come to."

You nod, sniffling, smiling up at your stupid, smart ass husband. "God, you should have been a poet or a public speaker or something."

Dan smirks, shaking his head. "Or something."

You wipe your eyes again, sniffling loudly. "Okay, what about you? Why aren't you freaking out about this?"

Dan shrugs. "It either hasn't hit me like it's hit you, or I'm just too excited."

You lean against the headboard, smiling at him, your cheeks turning a bright pink. "You're excited?"

Dan nods, smiling back. "Of course I'm excited. So what everything's gonna be different? Change is good. It's what we need."

You nod, looking down at his hand, intertwining with yours. "Yeah... We'll be okay."

"We'll be amazing." Dan corrects you.

You nod.

Sometimes,
It's okay to be a glow stick.

~~~

WHOA. DID SOMEBODY SAY CHESSY?! because, yes, i know. T'was quite cheesy. Also, i'd like to thank my friend who gave me the 'it's okay to be a glow stick' thing when I was feeling kinda down. THANK YOU FRIEND, I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME THROUGH THE ROUGH TIMES!! Much love to all,

~Hazel