Different {Harry Styles}

Chapter 13: Souls doesn't exist..

"Why?" I finally can pronounce. I still don't know what to do.

"What do you mean?" The boy says. The boy who I will never speak to again after this. I will never hear my name rolling from his tongue again in his perfect accent. I can never stare in his emerald green eyes again. His curled hair will never be this close to me again. I don't know why I make this myself so hard, but I keep reminding myself that this is all for the best. No more worries. 

"Why me?" I say quietly. Why does he want me so badly? 

"Be more clearly please.." Harry answers. Does he really not know what I mean or is he just fooling with me so he can prepare himself for an answer? And again I'm over-thinking this. 

"Why do you want me so badly? I don't get it.. I mean, the date, the kiss, the drive, the conversation, your apologies.. You would never do that to any other girl.." I explain. I don't know for real or he would do all of that for another girl, but after reiterating the facts of matter, it's really weird that he would do that.

"You're right.." He simply answers, not answering my question really. 

"So.." I insist. This is actually the number one question that I wanted to know all along, I only can just realize that now. All my questions about why he told Tracey, and why he's sitting here in a pub who's located an hour from his own house were just 'good to know'-questions. But the question about why he wants me is more than that. It's a question about his feelings towards me, the question cannot be right or wrong. It's a question who goes deeper than that, who you ask the heart and not the mind. 

I hope so he will let his heart speak and not his mind. The only thing is that if he says his true feelings, how will it go further? Now already I cannot say to him to end it, what will it be if he says his feelings? 

"It's just.. I don't know.." He says, I can barely hear him. Maybe I was expecting too much to just let him tell the feeling he has.. Does he even have feelings? He must though.. He cared for me that night when I had that fight with Devon.. Or didn't he? He's so good in hiding his feelings. I think he just doesn't know how to express and articulate them.. 

I wish he did.. But maybe that's the thing that I love about him? The part of him where he's insecure about himself? The part that nobody else knows, and I hope that I can see that part.. 

"That kiss.. It's just something about that kiss that I cannot forget.. I felt something and I can't describe that feeling that I got.. It was more than just a kiss and I've never experienced that before. When I normally kissed a girl, I felt nothing, I thought it was normal.. That kiss was just so different. It only lasted 5 seconds, but I can still remember every single second of it." 

I have no answer. He surprises me every time again, first the drive, then that date, and now this? Well I don't know what this is.. Is it just about how this kiss was towards him or does this explains much more?

"So that feeling that I got, I wanted more from it. So I thought you were the only person that could give me that feeling, well I still think that.. It's like we're made for each other." He continues.

"Made for each other?" I question surprisingly. I've never believed in that, I've never believed in god or anything. I only base myself on facts, that's probably why I always ask myself so many questions, like a real scientist. Not that I am one, not at all. I suck in Biology.

"Yeah made for each other. It was like God made us to be with each other." Are you kidding me? He's a God believer? Fucking great.

"You believe in all of that stuff from above? Like heaven and hell?" I ask him, knowing what the answer will be after his 'God made us to be with each other'. Bullshit.