Different {Harry Styles}

Chapter 22: the death of my parents

It's been one hour since I told Harry the one thing that kept me closed up. Exactly one hour since I opened myself up, since I broke down the wall that was built up for years. 

Harry is the only person I've ever told that my parents died. I just couldn't handle people feeling sorry for me. I knew I would completely break, so I thought it would be easier to just pretend that everything is okay. 

After I've spat it all out, Harry hold me into his arms and waved my back the whole time, just simply telling me "it's okay". As much as I wanted to enjoy his hold, as much as I wanted to wrap my arms around him too, I didn't. But I still love the fact that he did what he did. He can react really wrongly sometimes and now and then he pronounces his words too fast. But this time he did exactly what he could've done, he couldn't have done it any better. It was the only thing I needed.

We're now sitting in the sofa. My tears are still flowing, my cheeks are completely wet from the water that came out from my eyes. My hands are shaking, well not only my hands, actually my whole body is shaking. I'm close to hyperventilate, but due to Harry that's not happening. 

I don't know what to think nor what to say, but it feels good. It feels good to finally have free space in my mind. To finally be free, not feeling tired all the time, not having to worry. 

"I-I'm sorry," I finally pronounce. I know I shouldn't say sorry, because I know he doesn't mind that I'm acting this way. I know that for some people that this would be overreacting, but imagine, you've built this huge wall for everybody for so many years. The wall is almost finished, it's not even a wall anymore, it's become more a fort. And then after all these years, there comes this one person, a person you've only knew for a good week, that breaks down every stone you put into the fort. A fort that was being built for years and years that now is destroyed in only a second.

"Shh you don't have to apologize Mel." Harry tells me in a comforting way while stroking my hair. His big hands feel so warm, so careful. Only he can do this to me, only he can just say those words and they actually do comfort me. 

I don't say anything, but my body isn't shaking that much anymore. The tears are flowing a bit slower and my breathing is getting back to its normal state.

Minutes pass and the normal me is almost back. The one that is strong and doesn't cry. I think I've never cried so much in this one week than in my life before it.

"First it was my dad.." I finally speak quietly, still shaky. 

I pause myself for a little moment. Harry is still stroking my back softly. He's not pushing me anymore. He's so smart, I mean he knows exactly when he needs to push through and when not. I realize that if he hadn't pushed me anymore, I wouldn't have spilled out anything. 

"It was close after my brother was born, he was only a baby so he never really have known his dad. It was a car accident.." The tears return, but not in a heavy way like they used to. "I was only six or something, but it still stays a huge loss you know.. I started to go to middle school and if so anyone would ask me about my parents, I just told them it was only my mom, my brother and myself. I've never told anyone what exactly happened to my dad, it was pretty clear that I didn't want to tell more. I lived a happy life until my mom.." 

Just saying "mom" hurts. I see flashes of her for my eyes. We always were such a happy family, my mom and I raising my brother as well as possible. We weren't rich, but we weren't poor either. We only had a little house, the house that I'm still living at, but we didn't need more. We didn't need, but we also didn't want a bigger one. The way she made pancakes as the best, the way she was angry at us when we didn't finish our meal, she always tried to be the strict mother, but she couldn't. She always burst out into laughter. All the little memories gives me a little smile through my tears on my face.