SECOND CHANCES - Forgiving Isn't Always Easy

Chapter nineteen: Jealousy? Nah..

"I have seen only You, I have admired only You, I desire only You"
~~~~~Napoleon Bonaparte.

Alex Pov:

After Vivian had left him, he took a moment to sit down and close his eyes for a few minutes. Not to sleep, no. But think, or rather not. A few minutes in which to clear his head and gather his thoughts. This last days had been stormy and full of events that he himself wasn’t sure where he stood, what he was doing or what the hell was really going on.

Selen hadn’t called him, which meant that either Hope was still in the examination room, or was fast asleep and there was no immediate situation that needed his presence. Focusing on his daughter, he thought of what else he could do for her..  Bringing the best specialist in in her case was virtually the only medical solution to her problem, so medically speaking he could do no more. If he thought of changing hospitals, there really was no need. The one they were in at present wasn’t the most luxurious one, but was a very good one and besides there they knew Hope ever since she first came to this world, so thinking of changing hospitals was really useless and out of necessary.

Hope was still in his mind, but this time not because of the tumor. No, this time he was thinking of his daughter and the time he had missed with her. Sure, he had no one to blame for the years lost but himself and destiny, but he needed to make sure she knew full well he planed on staying there till he breathed his last breath. Furthermore, he needed to recover some of the lost time, so in his mind he started picturing how it would have been to actually be there for her on her first three years of life. Be there when she firstly cried into this world. Be there when she first opened her eyes. Be there when she first laughed. Be there when her first tooth started to come out. Be there when she firstly got a flu. Be there when she started to crawl for the first time. When she slowly started to walk. When she started to talk. Oh how much he had missed! But by Hell and Satan he wouldn’t miss any more. And yes he swore on Hell and Satan! Everybody can swear on Heaven and God, but he would sell his soul to the devil himself to spend time with his baby and that’s what his promise meant.

Slowly he breathed deep breaths and exhaled them one by one. Sure he had just promised to be by his girl’s side, but a thought just hit him, and it smacked him hard. He didn’t know how to be a father! Yeah, he had had the experience with Vivian, but that didn’t count as that baby never made it past a few months in his mom’s belly. What was it like being a father? Was it just feeling that that creature that is staring at you feel yours? That she feels as if gazing to your very core? Or was it the feeling of wanting to shelter her from the world? Be her sanctuary? Maybe it was the pain you felt when you saw your child suffering? That heartbeat your heart skipped with every second you baby was in danger? Was that it?

“Agghhhh” - he groaned, placing both hands in his head, shutting his eyes tightly. His head felt like exploding with all the thoughts. He couldn’t do this any longer. Contemplating on those thoughts was a waste of time and in the state he was in, he wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong if it smacked him in the face… with a chair… made of steal… from Hercules…


Getting up, he made his way to the master bed and knocking softly, he let himself in. Vivian wasn’t in the room, so he assumed she was in the bathroom. Softly knocking there to, he spoke:

“Vivian… I..umm… I’m leaving for the hospital. I.. I don’t really know when I’ll be back. Call me after you have processed everything and we will talk. I…”- however he decided against finishing that sentence and left. Tell her he was sorry was useless. Vivian and he had had there share of bad days and a fairly bad marriage, but he could not not feel sorry for what he was putting her through. No matter their problems, their flaws, she didn’t deserve this.

Within minutes he was out of his home and into the driveway. his head was plagued with all the previous thoughts, so rolling down the window, he let he chilling air brush against his face and neck. The shivers and awakening call it sent down his body were so very welcomed. Suddenly his phone started to ring and after closing up the window, he picked it up. Selen’s name appeared on the screen and something in him changed. weird… thought that weird feeling was replaced by anxiety and worry soon after.


“Selen what’s wrong?”- he heard himself ask, worried.

“Nothing. Calm down. Just wanted to tell you that Hope is in her room and fast asleep and we were about to go talk to doctor McKinley. Wanted to know if you wanted for us to wait?”- he heard her say and he finally relaxed.

“I’m on my way now. Should be there in thirty minutes or so so do me the favor of waiting. And who is we?”- somehow he hadn’t been able to refrain himself from asking that last part. Well what could he do? The idea of that guy being near her infuriated him. Even the mere thought made his grasp on the stirring wheel tighten.

“Maria and I - she responded a bit hesitantly, and he knew she didn’t understand his questioning. Well, the better”- he thought to himself.

“An who is staying with Hope if you both come to the doctor’s office?”- he frowned.

“Michael.”- she said and he found it almost funny how that simple name uttered from her lips made him have homicidal thoughts.

“The fuck is wrong with me!”- he thought to himself, because he knew full well if he had had that Michael guy, that didn’t seem to leave Selen’s side, near, he wouldn’t have been able to contain himself.


“Be there as soon as I can.”- and he hung up. What more could he say? What more when he himself didn’t understand what the freaking hell he was feeling? Was it jealousy? Could it be? But.. He had no right to feel this was! Not with the situation they were in, or the fact that he had a wife. Damn!

“Why can’t I get you out of my head?”- he asked the air in hi car, seeing how nobody else was there.

“Why do I have to feel like ripping the arms off of any man that tries to touch you?”

“Why when you are not and could never be mine?”

Those were only a few of the thoughts that crossed him mind in those moments. being that his head was in clouds of deep contemplation, and well confusion, he hadn’t noticed he had reached the hospital. Swiftly he parked his vehicle in the first empty space he found and made his way inside. Entering the hallway Hope was admitted in,  he noticed three figures there. Selen was sitted in one of the chairs and Maria stood next to her on the other. Across stood the man he had had the colorful ideas about, with his arms crossed and looking at her.

“She is not yours to look at, you bastard!”- he thought through deadly glares. In a spur of the moment, and wishing to break his staring time, he spoke her name.

“Selen.” - Quickly she lifted her gaze to meet his, and for a moment there he felt peace take over him. Yet, peace wasn’t the only thing he felt when she looked at him with those eyes of hers, or that face of hers, or those lips…

“Shit! Focus!”- he ordered himself, as the distance was now closed and he stood in front of her.

“Yes?”- she asked getting up.

“Yes what?”- he questioned back, completely oblivious of as to what she was asking.

“Yes, you called me?”- she raised both her eyebrows. He frowned for a minute there.

“Oh, right the whole bastard staring at her thing”- he remembered to himself, though did not voice them out.

“Ammm, yes. I called your name. I.. Was going to say we can go to the doctor's office now.”- he recovered. Not his most ingenious one, but a recovery none the less.

“Right… well let’s go then. Maria.”- she turned to face the other woman.

“Michael could you stay with Hope please. I’ll fill you in later.”- she told him and he simply nodded, giving her a smile. Needles to say that got Alex’s pulse shooting for the starts. However, he managed to keep a blank face.

“Let’s go.”- he told them both and within seconds they were on their way to Dr. McKinley’s office.

PS: Don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT.

And as always,

-X-O- 😘😘