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Music^: Susie Suh x Robot Koch- Here with you
+Picture of Akari's mom

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24 years ago
Age 11
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I saw my mother crying in the doorway, leaning against the door while tears rolled down her face. One of her hands were on the door, keeping herself from the ground. While the other covered her mouth. For a second there was no sound, no emotion... just silence.

Softly I could hear her mumble the same words over and over again. 'Why.... How... I'm sorry' Speaking in her own thoughts, almost drowning in the repeated words. Not speaking to me because she didn't know that I was there, nor speaking to the man in our doorway. Time stood still, only hearing the sobs of the devastated woman.

I never have seen her cry, just smiling no matter what kind of situation. This was confusing, unexpected but most of all heartbreaking. She always did what she had to do after dad had left us behind. He didn't leave us behind on purpose... except we already knew there was a chance he would never return again.

The words the man spoke in front of our door, finally broke her. 'This was the only thing we could save from him..." One of his hands reached to her, taking the hand, which covered her emotions on her face. Her knees were trembling, realizing all of this was real.

His words were slow and meaningless, like he didn't believe it as well. A necklace, a very familiar necklace was given to my mom. The chain ringed in my ears, remembering the moment when we gave it to dad.

Not that it was accepted with greatness, even if she simple nodded at him and eventuelly closed the door. Air was stuck in my throat, wanting to run to mom, wanting to hug her... Before I could walk to her, something made me froze. Like my body wouldn't listen, unable to move because of the sudden wave of emotions.

The very moment of the door closing, revealed her inner feelings...  'Bring him back home, bring him back to us.' Her back against the door, slowly her knees touching the ground as her unsteady breathes were taken. Her love of her life was taken away from her, her hope... was vanished into thin air. 

Eventually, I never told her I have seen her cry. Not that she ever told me that the man at the door was a crew member from dad, properly knowing about his death in details. Well, mom and I lived alone in the house of more than a year, until she was taken away from me too.

The clear sky, stars shining on the ground and sea. The moon reflecting on my skin, the coldness surrounding my confused soul. The wind slowly moving around, touching the grass with care. It was so silenced... so quiet. Almost as nothing had happened, nothing important.

The house was untouched, but the door was unlocked and stood open. Once I saw that dinner was still boiling on the stove, I realized she would never leave with the door left behind open, nor keeping the stove on its highest. She was gone.

Even if I ran to the beach, where the cruel men always were, I already knew it was too late. Her heart was still beating, that was a thing I just knew. But I had to confirm with my own eyes.

Those men, were strong and reckless. Sadly, I don't know their names, their crew name, nor their backgrounds. Just, that they were untrustworthy, a group of bastards... who kidnapped my last bit of family. The last time I saw my mom, I know it was her, was when a ship sailed away in the distance.

I was twelve at that moment, a whole adventure awaiting for me. Even if I have been through a lot at the beginning, it was a start for everything what had to come. A start I wish to no one, still hating the feeling I can't do anything to reverse it. Oh, I searched for her. I'm still searching.

Through the years I have asked thousand of people, asking if they know anything about the woman I was describing for them. Nobody knew any information about my mother, the crew or anything what had to do with it. Some suggesting a Sea King could have eaten them, they got lost on the sea or maybe being murdered by a stronger crew.

Of course, I thought about those possibilities. Even if that could have ended her life, I just hope she is living her life. She isn't one of the youngest anymore. Twenty-three years are not a few years ago. Already twenty-three years traveling, surviving, loving, fighting, hiding and forgetting...

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