Shawn Mendes Imagines

#27 eating disorder pt 2

A/N: OMG GUYS 50K READS THAT'S INSANE! Thank you so so much!!! I love y'all! 

Here's the second part to the last imagine. I hope you guys like this one as much as part 1. Some feedback would be much appreciated. xxx 

Also, who else is going to cry their eyes out because the european leg of shawns tour is over and he's gonna be in a different time zone again??

'Shawn..' you whispered but you couldn't go on. His sight was too much for you, you couldn't handle seeing him like this. So hurt and heartbroken, just because of you. He didn't move. He was just sitting there, looking at you, tears streaming down his face as if they'd never stop. 

"I... I don't know what to say" he choked. 

"You don't have to say anything. But, please stop crying. I'm so so sorry to make you feel like this, I shouldn't have told you.' You had tears rolling down your cheeks as well now. 

Shawn came closer to you and took you in his arms whilst laying down on the bed. He pressed you close to his side and you wrapped your arms around him. You stayed like that for what felt like hours. You felt so sorry for telling Shawn about your eating disorder. You could tell from his heavy breathing how hurt he must be. 

After some time he cleared his throat. "What did I do wrong?" Confused you turned around to him. "What did I do wrong so that you're feeling this way? What did I do that you are doing this to yourself?" he clarified his question. "Shawn!" you exclaimed. You were confused and hurt that he thought he was the reason for your struggles. 

"You didn't do anything wrong. I've had these feelings before I even met you. You don't have to do anything with it." "But why couldn't I make you feel better?" Shawn's voice sounded a bit angry now. Angry and confused. Desperate. "Why couldn't I make you feel beautiful, why couldn't I help you escape these thoughts?" he questioned again. 

You quickly tried to soothe him. "Please stop. Don't make yourself responsible for this. You do so much for me. But this, this is something that's not so easy to get over with. It's part of who I am." You turned in Shawn's arms so you could properly face him. With your thumb you gently dried his tear stained cheeks. He took your hand in his and pressed his lips to your fingertips. 

"Then tell me now. Tell me now what I can do to help you. Tell me what you want me to do. Shall I make you eat? Shall I keep you from eating the wrong things which will make you wanna starve yourself afterwards? Shall I keep you company in case you want to go and see a therapist? I will do anything as long as you just talk to me. Pease don't keep your thoughts and feelings from me anymore." Again there were tears forming in his eyes. 

"Don't cry" you whispered and he blinked a few times to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. 

"Promise me to tell me how you feel. I will not judge you. But the next time you feel like you ate too much, tell me about it. The next time you wanna go for a run because you hate what you look like or when you wanna throw up, tell me. Tell me when you're disgusted by your body. Tell me in the exact moment that you feel these things. 

And I will make you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I will kiss every part of your body which you hate right then and there. I will tell you how much I love you over and over again. And I will do all of that as many times as it takes for you to stop hating yourself." 

Now you were the one to tear up. You did not expect these words to come out of his mouth. You didn't ever think he or anyone could help you with your problems. But imagining this, imagining him by your side whenever you'd be drowning in your own thoughts again, made you believe in something. It made you believe that maybe, one day, you would be able to escape this. 

"You're not alone y/n. I won't ever let you alone with your feelings. I will be by your side. I will be there to give you the love you should be giving yourself. And one day, when you will be able to love yourself too, I will just love you even more. I won't ever let you be by yourself anymore. I will stay with you. Through anything." He placed a kiss on your wet cheek. 

You couldn't say anything. You were too overwhelmed. Too overwhelmed by the love you received from Shawn. Too overwhelmed by the feeling of hope you suddenly held inside of you. The hope that with Shawn by your side, you might be able to love yourself again. 

You might be able to be fully happy again.