Reminiscence: From Me To You

Pahina 70

70:

"Ikaw, maayos ka ba?" Balik tanong ko kay Singkit matapos niya akong tanungin noon. Hindi siguro niya inaasahan na magtatanong din ako kaya naman bakas sa mukha niya ang gulat. He may not realized it wholly, but I could see his emotions too, just like the way he always saw mine.

"Ahm... I hope you don't get offended." He started with a soft voice. Para bang may gusto siyang ipaintindi sa akin, kaya nakinig ako sa kasunod na sasabihin niya. "I just want to be alone for now. Kaya kapag hindi kita pinansin, pasensya na ngayon pa lang." He confessed truthfully.

Napatitig muna ako sa mga mata niya hinahanap doon ang tamang kasagutan na maari kong itugon, at kusang nangusap ang mga mata niya. "Are you sure?" I questioned mellowly. He was kind of taken a back with my answer, instead of giving him the chance to talk, I continued.

"Your I just want to be alone statement seems telling me something deeper." I told him. "The glint in your eyes were speaking loudly and powerfully to me, that you want someone to stay and just be there for you..." I whispered calmly.

He blinked his eyes, and avoided my gaze, he looked at the table in front and sighed. Hindi siya nagsalita, at nasigurado kong tama ang sinabi ko sa kaniya. Hindi ko na rin siya kinulit pa. I smiled at him although he was not looking at me.

Ganyan na ganyan din ako. I shut people down, when I needed someone. Kahit naman hindi niya sabihin alam ko ang pakiramdam na ganyan. I've been there, I've done that. Gusto ko lang siyang tulungan sa paraan na alam kong hindi siya maiilang.

He wanted to be alone, I would just be quiet, by his side... that way... I hope he would feel at ease.

"Ngayon bakit sa tingin ninyo, importante ang Self-Esteem?" Tanong ni Sir Juls. Napatingin na ulit ako sa kaniya, baka kasi matawag pa kaming dalawa ni Singkit at maging abala pa sa nagiging alon ng nangyayari ngayon.

"Sinong gustong sumagot?" He queried while raising his hand, waiting for someone to answer. Jessa suddenly raised her hand up. Lumapit si Sir sa kaniya at tinanong siya nito noong katanungan kanina.

"Kasi po may epekto po sa buhay natin iyong tingin natin sa sarili natin." She answered confidently. "Tama!" Imik ni Sir. "Paano siya nakakaapekto?" Pahabol na tanong pa ulit nito.

"Kasi po kapag po mababa ang tingin mo sa sarili mo, magiging malungkot po ang buhay mo, kapag naman po hindi, magiging masaya po ito." Sagot niya. Tumango tango naman si Sir at saka kinuha ang mikropono.

"Tama, Miss Jessa." Sir praised. "People who have high self-esteem have better relationships with other people. Pero hindi iyong nasobrahan sa self-esteem ha, masarap ng batukan ang mga nasobrahan." Natatawang sambit nito para patawanin ang klase. Natawa naman ang ilan dahil doon.

"They are most likely to ask and help and support from the people who surrounds them, they don't have that conflicting feeling that if they should ask or not, while people who have low self-esteem, seems to debate often if they need to ask or not, and when they end up being not able to ask, the feelings of worry and regret always lingers." Pangaral ni Sir Juls. Sapul na naman ako.

I am always like that, afraid to ask other people whom I am not comfortable with. Oo, diretso ako sa mga kaibigan ko, pero sa ibang tao, palagi akong may pag-aalinlangan, isa na rin sa dahilan kung bakit kakaunti ang kaibigan ko.

I remember when I was in Grade 7, even asking if I could go to the washroom, was so hard. I just could not get myself to ask if I could go, instead I would just wait until it was break, or lunch, or dismissal time. It was just so hard. Baka kasi maka-istorbo ako sa klase, minsan kasi nakakahiya, minsan kasi ayokong napupunta ang atensyon ng klase sa akin. Always like that.