Lifeline {joshler}

fourteen

tw: depression.

🌱

"I know that Ruby's funeral can't have been easy for you." Dr. Kemp said softly as she shuffled the papers in her lap. Tyler shifted awkwardly in his seat. "Do you want to talk about that?" She pressed but Tyler shook his head.

"Maybe we could talk about something you want to talk about hm? Visitors day is coming up, are you excited to see your family?" The doctor tried again.

Tyler took a deep breath; he couldn't find it in himself to be excited for anything right now. The sadness hollowed out his skull, it sat on his chest like a lead weight when he lay down at night, when he closed his eyes he practically saw it lurking behind eyelids; a constant reminder that he was miserable no matter what he did.

He'd be so happy with Josh, but then even that wasn't enough to keep the darkness back all the time, it still found cracks and peepholes to creep through and mess everything up.

"You can't love someone's problems away." Tyler mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" Dr. Kemp was visibly startled by Tyler actively using his voice for the first time since the session had begun, almost half an hour ago. Thrown off by the statement because it didn't follow from her prompts.

"Nothing." Tyler mumbled once again, looking down at his hands as he played with his sleeves.

Dr. Kemp sat back in her chair with a slight sigh. "You're right."

Tyler looked up at her confused before she continued, "You can't just get rid of a person's problems just by loving them."

Tyler slumped back into his chair. hearing someone else say the words only further cementing the reality in his mind.

"But..." Dr. Kemp began cautiously, "You can love them despite their problems, you can be there for them and care for them and help them overcome those problems, even if it takes time and -on their part- some kind of cooperation." She looked pointedly at Tyler as she said the last bit, causing him to huff. The words hit him like bullets but he was doing his best to apply pressure to the wounds for fear he would spill out in front of her if he didn't.

"I can't talk to you." he dismissed.

"Right." She sat forward in her seat. "And why is that?" She quirked an eyebrow.

Because you'd tell someone. He thought frustrated, clenching his fists in his sleeves. Choosing instead he looked out the window.

"Tyler, as your therapist, everything we say in this room is confidential unless I feel that you are in danger, then I have to tell whoever I feel is necessary to help you." Dr. Kemp almost considered putting her hand on Tyler for reassurance but thought better of it.

"So, you can't tell anyone what I say?" He spoke cautiously, wary of what he gave away in case she was lying.

"I know this is to do with Josh, Tyler. I have a PhD in psychology I think I know when two people are in love." Tyler's jaw fell slack at her bluntness.

He tried to speak but words failed him. Finally, he sputtered out an unconvincing denial before adding, "Whatever, it doesn't matter. Relationships between patients was against the rules anyway."

Dr. Kemp tried to retain her stony professionalism but she couldn't help but chuckle slightly to herself at the shade of red Tyler had turned.

"It's discouraged, not against the rules. We try to make you think it's against the rules for your own safety. It's not usually a good idea because most people here are self-destructive and that's not a healthy attitude to bring into a relationship, ever. But I've seen you two together, you're not in it for yourselves, you're in it for each other." At the hurt in Tyler's eyes she immediately froze, back-tracking. "Of course that's just my opinion but I know that you've both made immense progress since you grew closer. Josh hadn't made any progress in months before you arrived Tyler, you really help him."

Silence hung thick in the air as Tyler tried everything to gather his strength and hold it together.

"I- I" he squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears away. He hated seeming emotional. He took a shuddery breath, "I love him." Dr. Kemp offered him a tissue but he refused it. She nodded in reassurance, giving him the green light to keep talking. "When we're together it's like, the voices just stop, it doesn't matter how crappy I feel his happiness is more important. I'm not scared when I know he's beside me." Tyler trailed off embarrassed.

"That can be good, but ignoring the problem doesn't solve it." Dr. Kemp replied warily.

"I-I know, and now even when I'm with him the sadness can still get to me b-but..." Tyler rubbed a hand down his face. "He makes me want to fight it, like I have a purpose and it's him."

"Purpose is a really powerful thing, finding one for yourself is really good Tyler." Dr. Kemp promised and Tyler felt relief settle in his chest. Maybe he was doing better than he thought.