Lifeline {joshler}

twelve

tw: funeral.

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Josh had been distant ever since his incident with Johnny. He had lost most of his privileges for the week so he couldn't spend much time with Tyler outside of meals. Even at meals he seemed distracted. It was like he was far away and every time Tyler tried to reach out it only made him realise the distance was further than he initially thought. Tyler missed him, he missed the smell of him on his pillow, the weight of his body pressed against his when they slept, the way the slight stubble on his face scratched at his cheek when they kissed, which they hadn't done in a long time. He'd been wearing Josh's hoodie non-stop just to try and make the time apart bearable but now it smelled too much like himself and not Josh, it seemed pointless.

Tyler sighed as he looks down at the blue smudge on the edge of his sink from where'd he'd spent ten minutes scrubbing the hair dye off his hands after a particularly good make out session. He put his fingers to his lips at the happy memory.

Ignoring the large bags under his eyes he attempted to fix his hair before doing up the top button of his shirt. He felt strange, like a shell of a man, like he was some other kind of being dressing up and playing the part of a human.

There was a light knock on the door and Tyler came out of the bathroom to see Dr. Kemp walk in, he tried to hide the disappointment in his face that she wasn't Josh.

"You look very handsome, Tyler." She smiled sadly at the sight of him in his suit.

There was an uneasy silence as the two of them just stared at one another before Dr. Kemp suddenly remembered why she had come into his room. She looked at the items in her hands.

"Here. I brought your shoes, a tie and a belt." She handed them over to Tyler who took the belt and slipped it through the loops in his black suit trousers. He quickly sat down to lace up the dress shoes Dr. Kemp had provided. He stood up again fumbling with his shirt collar, causing Dr. Kemp to step closer and begin tying the black tie around his neck for him. She smiled up at him.

"Do you want me to get you a razor so you can shave?" She pushed her glasses up her nose as she studied the small amount of stubble that had grown over his time in the facility. He shook his head. He'd been offered the ability to have a supervised shave every week since he arrived but he decided his facial hair didn't grow enough for him to see a point.

The exhaustion on Tyler's face was evident causing Dr. Kemp to be concerned. "You don't have to do this, you know? Ruby would understand." She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder for comfort.

"No, I want to." Tyler replied. His voice was weak from lack of use but remained determined.

"Come on then." Dr. Kemp gave him one more sad, supportive smile before guiding him out of the room.

As they approached the front of the facility, Tyler realised he'd not been near the lobby since he had arrived. He winced as he remembered Ruby walking away from him towards the entrance. Just then the image of Ruby merged with someone else walking down the corridor a little ahead of him.

Josh's hair was a vibrant red, his face solemn as he stood bickering with Dr. Long, he was tugging on his tie uncomfortably. Tyler's breath caught at the sight of him in a suit, he looked even more beautiful than usual. Tyler pretended to ignore the way Dr. Long looked stressed and flustered, pretending not to notice the small argument.

Both doctors signed some paperwork before rounding everyone up. Johnny shuffled uncomfortably in his suit, and watching him made Tyler pull at his collar. Two other girls -one who had clearly been crying- stood comforting each other, they had always sat with Ruby at meals. Another boy and girl arrived with a monitor in time for them all to be directed outside to a mini-bus.

As Tyler walked down the aisle of the bus he felt a hand reach out and tug on his sleeve, startled Tyler awkwardly fell into the seat beside the person. Josh kept his gaze out the window, refusing to make eye contact with Tyler no matter how much he tried. Josh rested his head against the glass, reaching down to latch his fingers with Tyler's.

Tyler opened his mouth to ask if Josh was alright but he knew it was a stupid question so dismissed it. He looked down at their intertwined fingers, fidgeting with his sleeve with his free hand to distract himself.

Josh gently squeezed Tyler's hand, finally looking over at him. Tyler's heart skipped but he refused to look up, simply squeezing Josh's hand back tightly. Josh checked that no one was looking at them before reaching up to press a gentle kiss to Tyler's forehead quickly.

Tyler blushed, relief flooding through him at the tender brush of lips to his skin. It made him hopeful that Josh might return the feelings he'd confessed the other night.

The two boys separated as they all filed off the bus and into the church, sitting pressed up against one another in the pews. The funeral was beautiful and sad, Tyler and Josh going through the motions with a detached numbness. They'd already cried all their tears already.

Once they coffin had been lowered into the ground, all of Ruby's outside friends and family filed out, heading to the wake. Ruby's mother thanking them solemnly for coming on their way out.

"I'm sorry I had to meet Ruby under such sad circumstances. But please know that we both cared about your daughter a lot." Josh said gesturing to both he and Tyler, who nodded.

"Thank you." She spoke through tears, placing her hand on Josh's face soothingly, a weak smile forming. "She's smiling down on us today; I just know she'd be so grateful."

Josh nodded as she dropped her hands and walked away. She leant heavily on her husband's arm as she walked, the sight made Tyler's heart feel heavy.

Once they were out the way Tyler turned to see Josh had gone back to standing over the grave plot, unfocused eyes watching as two men began filling it with dirt.

After a minute Tyler spoke up. "Why red?"

Josh finally tore his eyes away from the grave. "Ruby hated red, she told me when once if people wore red to her funeral she'd come back just to haunt them. I don't know I just thought it might work." He laughed as he wiped his nose, Tyler hadn't noticed until then how close to tears he had been. Tyler let out a light chuckle, the two of them letting small laughter overcome them for a second.

"She loved you Josh." Tyler promised as their smiles fell. Josh nodded and went back to staring at the grave. Tyler could see how hard he was holding back his emotions, expecting that the sadness was most likely eating him alive. He reached his hand out to intertwine their fingers. Josh allowed it at first but then quickly broke away, beginning to walk back to where everyone was being rounded up.

Tyler stared after him, feeling as though he'd been punched in the gut. When Josh realised Tyler wasn't following he turned to look at him, his heart ached at the look of hurt on Tyler's face. It was like kicking a puppy and Josh just wanted to hold him, but he knew how closely they were being watched.

"Come on." He said softly, hoping his tone was enough to comfort Tyler. Tyler's expression shifted to something unreadable, but he started walking nonetheless.