Lifeline {joshler}

eighteen

tw: discussion of relapsing. the things tyler says to josh  aren't just for him they're for you too if you need them. you're always more loved than you know.

🌱

"So how was it to see your family?" Dr. Kemp asked only to be met with silence. Tyler fiddled with the sleeves of his hoodie instead of looking at her, chewing on his bottom lip.

"They must have told you the good news?" She continued.

When there was yet more silence, Dr. Kemp sighed and pulled her clipboard into her chest. "Did something happen with Josh?" She asked carefully.

Tyler's head snapped up immediately at the mention of the name. It made Dr. Kemp scribble something down with an unreadable expression.

"Of course not." Tyler shook his head, his voice croaky from lack of use. He couldn't help but think how unsettled it made him sound.

"Are you sure? I know that Josh relapsed-" She abruptly stopped talking as she saw Tyler's face fall, he had no idea. Tyler's brow furrowed. He knew Josh hadn't been feeling great but when had he had the chance? How could Tyler really not have noticed things getting this bad, he needed to make sure Josh was okay. Dr. Kemp was red-faced as she shuffled her papers.

"That was incredibly unprofessional of me to share that information with you Tyler, please forgive me." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Perhaps it's best we cut today's appointment short." She scribbled something onto her notepad visibly flushed, before she began ushering Tyler out the door.

Tyler stared as the door shut in his face, his mind swirling. He went to Josh's room but found the door open, Josh not inside. Concern rising, he tried his own room next. He stopped as he saw his own door was open, he cautiously entered the room.

Josh was stood over his desk reading through the scattered papers, if he heard Tyler come in he didn't flinch. Josh continued to stare down at the pages, his head ducked so Tyler couldn't see his expression.

"Josh?" Tyler's voice was not much louder than a whisper.

Josh finally tore his eyes away from the pages he was inspecting to look at Tyler. Tyler froze at the sight of his red puffy eyes. He looked exhausted, like his demons had begun wearing away at his soul and it broke something in Tyler's chest. Tyler searched Josh's eyes for that familiar spark but instead he was met by the swelling of fresh tears.

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity but was probably only a minute.

Josh let out a loud sob that cut through the silence and abruptly broke down crying. In a heartbeat, Tyler was by his side, his thin arms wrapping around tightly Josh, pulling his head into the crook of Tyler's neck. They stayed like this for a while, Tyler whispering soft reassurances until Josh could stop crying.

Josh sniffed loudly before pulling away, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

"Sorry." He said weakly.

"It's okay." Tyler replied wiping the tears that stained Josh's cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

"You wrote some more songs." Josh said attempting to distract himself. He tried to sound elated but the words just came out strangled. Tyler laughed lightly to diffuse the tension.

"I did." He wiped another tear from Josh's face, as Josh continued to sniffle.

"I like this one." Josh said as he picked up a piece of paper. There were some words scribbled on it, the title read 'We don't believe what's on TV'. Tyler smiled fondly at the paper, ignoring the visible shaking in Josh's hands.

"Good, I wrote it about you." He said giving his boyfriend a warm smile.

Josh looked up at him in surprise. A part of him had hoped that it was about him, but he didn't want to presume, especially when he wasn't important. He voiced these feelings and Tyler looked at him incredulously, hands resting either side of his face.

"Josh, of course you're important! You're the most important thing in my life, don't ever say that about yourself. I love you, I'm in love with you and you could ignore me or push me away or downright tell me you don't want to be with me but it really won't change that. You're so loved Josh." Tyler promised, needing Josh to believe him.

Josh let another round of sobs overcome his body, before wrapping his arm around Tyler's neck to pull his body flush against his, his wet cheek pressing against Tyler's dry one. Josh began pressing kisses all over Tyler's face, making something in Tyler's stomach tingle, like the ground had been sucked from under his feet, he was falling in the best way possible.

"You mean everything to me. I love you so much." Josh sobbed into Tyler's shoulder as Tyler pulled him in for another hug. Tyler ran his hands through Josh's hair, usually he would have to avoid such an action because of the dye but Josh hadn't put dye on today, yet another reason Tyler clung extra tight onto him.

"Josh, I just want you to know that it's okay if you relapsed, everyone will forgive you, I forgive you but it doesn't matter about us, what's important is that you forgive yourself okay?" Tyler said softly, causing Josh to cry some more, he pulled away to look at Tyler again.

"H-how can I?" Josh's voice was weak and it made Tyler's own eyes water. He squeezed Josh's waist as Josh wiped his face with his sweater paws.

"Hey, hey." Tyler soothed, trying to help Josh calm his breathing. He took one of Josh's wrists in his hands and opened out his palm, tracing circles to help Josh count his breathing. "Listen, people cope how they have to, you're still getting better Josh, we both are, everyday is a learning curve and if you have to take one step back before you can take two forward then that's okay, that's justifiable, it's forgivable. But you're not alone in this anymore okay? I'm here, I told you I'm not going anywhere." Tyler said bringing Josh's palm to his lips to kiss.

"I love you." Josh said with a deep breath smiling a little.

Tyler's heart skipped, "You're so gosh-darn adorable." He said wiping a left-over tear off Josh's cheek. Josh blushed and ducked his head. "Are you blushing?" He gasped, "Oh, this is too much cuteness." Tyler teased and Josh tried to bat away his hands and they tried to tickle a laugh out of him. Josh squirmed with small laughs escaping him involuntarily. Tyler immediately mirrored his smile.

"S-stop." Josh almost squealed but Tyler continued to pull him close and tickle mercilessly making Josh bubble over with laughter. Tyler's heart felt so full it would burst at the sound. He'd always found making people laugh rewarding but Josh's laugh was some whole other type of reward. "Pl-ease." Josh laughed out, hiccupping.

Tyler decided to show mercy, instead wrapping his arms tightly around Josh's waist and spinning them both around, catching Josh off-guard. Tyler flopped onto the bed, bringing Josh crashing down beside him. Both breathless and giddy. Josh continued to hiccup, and he covered his face embarrassed. Tyler laughed harder.

"I heard kissing gets rid of hiccups." He lied, Josh peeled back his hands to give Tyler a knowing look, obviously not fooled. Before rolling his eyes, hiccupping and then leaning closer to Tyler, allowing the brunette to latch his lips onto Josh's in a slow gentle kiss.