Lifeline {joshler}

eight

tw: again this should be safe!

🌱

The next few days were filled with awkward glances and too close touches, hands knocking together as they walked, knuckles brushing as they kept a silent understanding that this was the closest to handholding they could get without being caught. Deliberately sitting too close to one another in the TV room so that their sides pressed together. In any room, they sought one another out, like magnets pulling them towards one another.

They didn't sleep in the same bed together again. Until, after yet another sleepless night threatened to pass and Josh couldn't take it anymore. He felt the walls caving in threatening to suffocate him if he didn't get out of the room.

He snuck through the corridors as quietly as possible before heading to Tyler's door and gently slipping inside.

Once his eyes adjusted to the dark he could make out Tyler wrapped in a cocoon of bed sheets. His back had been to the door but at the sound of it opening he turned to see who was there.

In the brief light the door had given Josh could see the tear tracks that streaked Tyler's face. The look they exchanged said everything it needed to and Tyler began unwrapping himself from the sheets opening them up so that Josh could slip in.

They lay next to each other in silence for a while, just Tyler's soft sniffles punctuating the darkness.

Carefully Tyler spoke up. "What happened?"

Josh stared up at the darkness hanging above them, his mind swirling.

"It feels like I'm drowning. Like I-I can't remember how to swim and I'm just treading water desperately but I can't stop sinking." His voice was raw with fear and Tyler immediately wrapping a soothing arm around his torso, pulling Josh into his side.

"It's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes." He promised, voice soft. He'd already stopped crying.

"Can you just-" he hesitated but Tyler wiped his eyes and sniffed. His grip loosened thinking Josh wanted to ask for space, but then Josh placed a hand on his arm squeezing gently to stop him moving away. "I need you to keep holding me for- for just a second please?"

It was the most vulnerable Josh had ever seemed to Tyler and it made his heart hammer in his chest, suddenly the voices weren't taunting him anymore or if they were, he was so completely consumed by Josh's breath on his cheek and feel of the sheets moving as his chest rose and fell that everything else in the world was completely meaningless.

Tyler nodded without a word, pulling Josh into his chest and wrapping his arms around his shoulders so he could tuck Josh's head under his chin. Josh immediately wrapped his arms around Tyler's waist and broke down, his whole body wracked with sobs.

Tyler stroked his hair, whispering comforting words. Between them and the steady thrum of Tyler's heartbeat where Josh's head was pressed against his chest, Josh was quickly lulled to sleep. Tyler followed not long after with a soft kiss to Josh's head.

Josh continued to sneak into Tyler's room every night after that, both boys agreeing that it was much easier to sleep with someone beside them, with the familiar weight of the other to keep them grounded even on the nights they didn't hold one another. On those nights, they often found that in the middle of the night Tyler would have wrapped his limbs around Josh's clinging to him or Josh would have rolled over so that he was practically lying on top of Tyler, nuzzling into his neck while asleep.

Sometimes there were less pleasant nights.

Tyler began shifting and moaning as his dream grew more real and more terrifying. It woke Josh up.

Concerned, he tried to gently rouse Tyler but instead the fits got worse until Tyler was crying out in his sleep. Josh panicked, not even thinking about the fact that people might hear him and come to check on him. He placed a hand on Tyler's cheek, his other hand firmly holding down Tyler's arm that had been trying to claw at his chest.

"It's not real, it's a dream Tyler. Wake up its all okay. I'm here. Wake up." Josh said firmly.

Tyler gasped awake violently, sitting up in a panic but Josh pulled him into his chest shushing him.

"Tyler it's okay, it's okay, I'm here. It wasn't real." He soothed as Tyler panted hard, sweat dripping down his neck. Josh loosened his grip slightly and Tyler leant back into him.

"It was so real, he wanted me dead and I almost let him kill me." He was trembling and weak and Josh felt his heart strain at the feel of each shaky breath and every teary sniffle. He buried his head in the crook of Tyler's neck before murmuring into it just loud enough for him to hear against the darkness.

"I'm glad you didn't."

"What if he's coming for me Josh?" Tyler voice was eerily quiet, laced with fear as he spoke out into the night cloaked around them. "I don't know how to do this anymore. I can't make it stop." His voice broke and something in Josh's chest broke with it.

Josh hugged him closer shushing him. He pulled Tyler down so they were lying beside one another again. "You're not alone anymore okay, you have me. I will help you, whatever it takes, whatever you need me to do I'm here now and we're in this together." He promised.

Tyler scrubbed a hand down his face, letting out a shaky breath.

"You can't promise that you'll always be here. People always leave, it's what they do." Tyler muttered bitterly.

"Not me." Josh had never been more sure of anything. "You're all I have to stick around for." He added, feeling a blush rise in his cheeks, thankful it was too dark for Tyler to notice.

"You're all I have too." Tyler placed a light peck on Josh's shoulder, burying his arm underneath Josh so that he could pull him closer and rest his head on Josh's chest.

He heard Josh's heartbeat skip at the contact making him smile. He laced their fingers together.

"Josh, what's your favourite movie?" He asked and Josh seemed confused by the change in conversation but he answered the question. They continued to talk about things they liked, their hopes and dreams, the first time they'd ever said half of these things aloud before. Tyler smiled as they bonded over how similar they were, and Tyler felt himself falling deeper as Josh ran soft fingertips over his fuzzy hair. Their friendship deepened too, as they finally learnt about each other as individuals. Tyler learnt that Josh really missed coffee and his drum kit and his cat, while Josh learnt that Tyler's best friend was his brother Zack and that he wrote poetry and that his favourite food is red bull even though Josh assured him that Red Bull was not a food.

"Yes it is! It's like an entire food group on it's own." Tyler practically giggled and Josh couldn't stop his own giddy laughs.

They talked and talked until Josh fell asleep, head resting on Tyler's hand still resting at the base of Tyler's neck. Tyler smiled and traced shapes with his fingers into Josh's chest. He was exhausted from his nightmare and eventually he drifted off too. This time he didn't get chased by demons, instead he was in the arms of a boy with soft hazel eyes and a dimpled smile. He was safe.