forever fades away

chapter 20

Rachel glanced around the restaurant, smiling slightly at what a wonderful job Michael had done with the whole party. He’d recruited Rachel a month earlier to help him plan something, and once they’d decided on it, he took charge. The place was beautiful anyway, and Michael had gotten dozens upon dozens of Maria’s favorite flowers and had them placed all over. A large table against the back wall was stacked with towers of presents, and it appeared as almost everyone in Roswell had turned out for the bash. Music pumped through the speakers, and everyone appeared to be having a blast, either dancing or mingling. 

In her perusal of the place, her eyes had inevitably landed on Finn and Tess, who were having a conversation with Isabel and Alex. Finn was talking, and Tess threw her head back, laughing at whatever Finn had said, before placing her hand on his arm. Rachel scowled before turning around, taking her apple martini from the bartender, her sixth one of the evening. 

She made her way back over to Kyle, who was chatting with someone that Rachel didn’t recognize, even though she’d been introduced to him not ten minutes ago. The alcohol was definitely working against her in that regard. 

She stepped back up next to Kyle, and his hand immediately came to rest on the small of Rachel's back as he said goodbye to who he was talking to, turning his full attention to Rachel. “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” He asked, guiding her towards a table where Michael and Maria were sitting. 

Rachel caught Finn's gaze from where he was now stationed at the bar. She’d seen him over there quite a few other times during the night, he was apparently getting smashed as well. “Only about a dozen times.” Rachel  giggled in response to Kyle’s statement, noticing a slight slur when she spoke. 

They made their way through the crowd, finally making it to the table and sitting down. In a matter of only five minutes, Rachel had drained her martini, and excused herself to use the restroom, and get another drink. 

She dropped her glass off at the bar and ordering another one before making her way down the hallway towards the bathroom. Once she’d handled that, she did a quick hair fluff before opening the bathroom door and walking right into Finn. 

Due to their heavy alcohol consumption thus far, they both stumbled back a few feet, before righting themselves again and standing awkwardly for a minute. 

“Hi.” Finn finally ventured, nervously scratching behind his ear. 

“Hi.” Rachel echoed, smoothing out the front of her dress. 

“Having a good time with Kyle?” Finn asked, his disapproval of the whole thing evident in the tone of his voice. 

“I’m having a wonderful time.” Rachel  said forcefully, using any ammo she had in her arsenal to make Finn  jealous. 

“Well, isn’t that just wonderful news?” Finn shifted his weight from one foot to the other, somehow managing to almost fall over in the process. 

Rachel burst out in a fit of laughter the minute he did it. “Smooth move, Super Star.” She managed once the laugher had died down. 

“Why do you keep calling me that?” Finn asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“It’s true, right? You’re a big basketball super star.” Rachel  slurred, poking her finger at him. “Love the game more than anything else. Make it priority number one, and all that.” She rambled on. 

“What is that?” Finn threw his arms up in the air. “You know that you’re more important than basketball ever could be!” 

Rachel's eyes automatically teared up, and she blinked rapidly in an attempt to keep herself from crying. She could feel the tears on her lashes, but had managed to keep herself from actually crying. “Yeah, you made that abundantly clear last time you had to choose, didn’t you?” That knocked the wind out of Finn's sails, he could do little more than gape at her after a statement like that. Rachel tilted her head towards Finn, as if straining to hear something. “Oh. What’s that? No wise-ass retort? C’mon Hudson! Let’s hear it!” Rachel looked up at Finn from under wet lashes. “Screw it. I’m done with all this. Go enjoy the party, since, ya know, it’s doubling as a going away party for you.” 

“Why are you so upset at me?!” Finn  threw out once he found his voice again. 

“Because you always leave, Finn!” She blurted out. 

“I can’t help that I travel a lot, Rachel! It’s part of the fucking job!” Finn yelled. 

“No!” Rachel finally lost it. “You always leave me!” As soon as the words left her mouth, her eyes grew wide, realizing the Pandora’s Box that she just opened with that one slip of the tongue. She quickly turned to retreat, but Finn grabbed her wrist. 

“Whoa. Wait just a minute.” Finn demanded. “You can’t say something like that and then run away. What does that mean?” 

“Nothing, Finn. It doesn’t matter, just forget about it.” Rachel practically begged. 

“If it doesn’t matter, then why do you care that I’m leaving?” He let go of her wrist, hoping she wouldn’t run again, and hoping for an answer. 

“I don’t.” Rachel whispered, even though the shattered tone of her voice told a completely different story. 

She turned once again to leave, when Finn reached out again and grabbed onto her hand. He gave her a soft tug in his direction and when she came back around to face him, his hands came up, framing her face and his lips crashed down on hers. 

Her arms instinctively went up around his neck as she reciprocated the kiss, opening her mouth when his tongue swept across her lips. They poured every emotion they’d felt for each other over the last six years into that kiss. Finn's hands left her face, sliding down the side of her body and came to rest on her hips. He pulled her roughly against him, banding his arms around her waist to prevent her escape. He wanted her to stay right where she was for the rest of his life. 

The minute Rachel's body pressed into Finn's, she broke the kiss and tried to push herself out of his arms. “Let me go.” 

“No.” Finn stated. “I’m not letting you run from me anymore.” He continued to hold her even as she struggled against him. “Please, Rachel. Please don’t run from me.” He whispered against her temple. 

“I didn’t run from you.” She gave up fighting. “I never ran from you. You ran from me.” The tears began cascading down her cheeks as she looked up into Finn's eyes. “I don’t get it.” 

“Get what?” Finn gently prodded, hoping she would give him an answer instead of clamming up and pushing away. 

“I don’t understand what I did wrong.” She whispered, her chin trembling. “Why wasn’t I good enough for you?” 

Finn felt like he’d been punched in the stomach with a sledge hammer. Is that what she thought? That entire time, she’d believed that she wasn’t good enough, and that’s why he’d broken up with her? “Rach...” He whispered, his eyes welling up with tears. 

“Rachel?” Maria’s voice sounded from down the hall, as the clicking sound of her heels on the tile came closer and closer. Rachel gave Finn a hard shove away from her and reached up, trying her best to look like she hadn’t been crying. Maria rounded the corner and stopped when she saw Rachel and Finn. It was obvious that Rachel had been crying, and Finn looked... broken. “What’s going on, guys?” Maria looked back and forth between them. 

“I’m not feeling well. I’m gonna leave.” Rachel turned to face Maria. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I know this was your big night and all...” 

“No, its ok. If you don’t feel good you should go get some sleep.” Maria knew Rachel just wanted to run from Finn, but she pretended to believe the sick story. From the look on Rachel's face, something had happened, something big. Maria gave Rachel a hug, her eyes locking with Finn's over Rachel's shoulder for a moment before Maria released Rachel and began walking her back into the party. 

Rachel apologized to Kyle for having to leave, and he offered to take her home, which she declined, telling him to stay and enjoy the party. She said goodbye to Michael and Maria before getting in the limo and leaving. 

As soon as the limo pulled away, Michael turned to Maria. Before he could even speak, she beat him to the punch. “I know what you’re going to say, just... don’t. Please?” He simply nodded and Maria made a bee-line for Isabel, grabbing her out of the conversation she was having and dragging her off to the side. Maria sighed, before meeting Isabel’s gaze. “I think we made a huge mistake, Iz.”