forever fades away

chapter 21

“Rachel what happened the night of my party?” Maria asked as the girls waited for their breakfast order to be served. It had been almost three days and Rachel still hadn’t spoke about it. 

“Maria, I don’t want to talk about it. It doesn’t even matter anymore. Finn is gone, like he always is and I’m going home soon. End of story.” Rachel was trying not to let Finn get to her. She needed to move on and the only way to do that was to avoid any and all conversations having to do with him. 

Isabel sat back and sipped on her cup of coffee. She had a long talk with Finn about what happened that night, so she knew the story. In fact, the conversation ended up in an argument that Alex had to break up. Isabel was furious for Finn not apologizing for the way he left her all those years ago. Finn had given her the excuse that he wasn’t thinking straight and once he kissed her any logic he had left that wasn’t affected by the alcohol pumping through his veins flew out the window. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about it Rachel, but it might do you good to get it off your chest.” Maria prodded further, knowing that she might be touching on something that she might not be able to control. 

“Get off my chest?! Are you serious?! You both know what he did to me. He hasn’t said he was sorry or that he made a mistake. Nothing! In fact, I get the, ‘don’t run away from me Rachel, bullshit! I didn’t run, he left me and then he excluded me from his life! That was his choice not mine and now you want me to get it off my chest! Honestly, I don’t want to know anymore…I don’t care anymore and I…” 

“Rach, I know how hurt you must be and I know that my brother has yet to prove a damn thing to you, but he feels trapped Rachel.” Isabel tried to help Rachel understand Finn's frame of mind for doing what he’s done, even though she still to this day didn’t know why he broke up with her. 

“Trapped? Ha! He feels trapped. And what the fuck should I feel? He dumped my ass to play a fucking game with a bunch of guys. Oh! And please let’s not forget the mountain of girls I’m sure he’s fucked twice over again! So, now ask me why I don’t see how he has felt trapped.” Maria realized her mistake and knew that she should not have said a damn thing, but it was too late. Rachel had some things she needed to say and now Isabel and Maria were going to have to sit and listen, as well as all the customers in the restaurant. 

“Rachel, relax. I’m sorry I even mentioned it.” 

“No, this is good Maria. You’re right. I need to get a few things off my chest so that the both of you can understand that while I appreciate your help, it wasn’t nor will it ever be welcomed.” Rachel let out sarcastically. She was still furious with the two of them. Shortly after Finn left they both confessed to her that they had planned the entire reunion. Why couldn’t they leave well enough alone? 

“Now, where was I?” Rachel pretended to ponder the question all the while knowing exactly where she left off. 

“Let me ask you a question Isabel, and you too Maria. He’s called you right? Kept in contact?” Rachel's eyebrows furrowed together in aggravation. 

“Y-” 

“Don’t answer that Isabel. Okay, so let me run down the list; Isabel, Maria, Michael, his parents I’m sure, but I wonder who’s missing off that list? Me! That’s who! He just dumped me, cut me off from his life, all the while knowing that he was breaking my heart. And it didn’t matter to him, I didn’t matter, our relationship didn’t matter! He made the choice not me!” Rachel bit out angrily while trying to keep the tears from escaping past her lids. 

“If Finn regrets it, then he can live with it. I’ve done nothing wrong!” Rachel hissed out as she eyed the waitress making her way to the table with their orders. 

The three girls sat in silence as they ate their lunch. Maria was done with all conversations for the day, she just wanted to go home and bury herself in her bed. Isabel on the other hand was not through and had one more question for Rachel. 

“Isabel, I love you, but if you don’t let this topic drop I will never talk to you again.” The three girls were outside of the restaurant making their way to their cars. 

“I know you won’t and I’m sorry. I love you, Rachel but I need to ask you. And if after I’m through you never want to speak to me again, I’d understand.” Rachel ran a frustrated hand through her hair and waited for Isabel to begin. 

“You say that he didn’t keep in touch, and you’re right. But let me ask you something Rachel, if my brother didn’t care about how you felt don’t you think he would have continued to be a involved in your life? Wouldn’t that have hurt you more in the long run? Because honestly, you have to ask yourself, could you just be friends with him and talk to him as if you had no history? I honestly don’t think you could, so while I think it was wrong of him not to explain to you why he did what he did and how he did it, I can’t fault him for not speaking to you. I know it would have broken your heart and you wouldn’t have been able to let go and finish school and become the successful independent person standing in front of me, if he didn’t.” Isabel finished her speech and then fished inside her purse for her keys. Her hands were shaking because she was truly afraid that Rachel would never speak to her again, but then she felt a hand on her arm. 

Rachel was speechless. It never dawned on her as to what fueled Finn's decision to not talk to her after he left. Now though, it was becoming clearer. He didn’t do it to hurt her; he did it to help her get over him. And maybe just maybe if she hated him enough, she wouldn’t hurt so bad. 

It was all true. Everything Isabel said was true, that she couldn’t deny. He could have rubbed in her face the girls he was dating, or the good time he was having, but instead he let her hate him. Although the anger was justified it wasn’t really defined. Rachel just hated him, period. There was no further explanation in her mind up until Isabel spoke. 

However, if she was honest it was somewhat of a relief. With Finn gone, she did go to school, she did become successful and she had to wonder, how successful she would have been following Finn around the county. If she had continued to date him, she would have probably grown weary of the practices, the parties and the games. 

That however still did not excuse or erase the fact that he made the decision, she would have been willing to compromise to be with him. It also didn’t excuse the fact that he had not shown any remorse upon their reunion. So Rachel still had to question, why did he do it?