Confessions of a fangirl.

Chapter 20

You know the feeling that you get when you can't believe what happened? When you close your eyes & open them, feeling that the entire day was a dream? Or hoping that it was a dream?

That's what I felt when the doctor told me what happened to my mother. 

"She has a brain tumor" the doctor's words echoed in my ears, making the tears fall harder. My mother fainted while she was at work, they thought that it was just weakness or something, but it was not.

I sat on the hospital's floor, with my head in my hands, waiting for the visiting hours to start. I'm not gonna move from here except for school. I would sleep on the floor, just to stay beside mum, they can't take me away from her no matter what. She's the one who stayed by my side, she cheered me up whenever I was feeling down, she made me feel special & I remember all the times when I was freaking out before my dancing recitals at school, and she was standing there clapping & cheering for me.

I was her first child that was affected the most when my dad left to work at New York, but she was there as my mum, as my sister & as my best friend. I can't leave her slip out of my hands like that, I have to do something about it... I don't know what, but I'll do anything she'd ask me to.

"Jamie!" I heard someone calling my name,I looked up tears blurring my vision, to find Jessie, Amy, Mike & their father. Jessie was crying while the rest of them had sad looks on their faces. 

"What happened to mum?" Jessie asked, crying more. 

"Listen Jessie, you know that this could happen to anyone, right? But god chose mum because he knows that she's strong & she can handle & fight it, I want you to believe this, okay? Mum, s-she has a brain c-cancer" I said,trying to hold back the tears, I wanted to look strong in front of my little sister. 

"What?" she nearly screamed, as she collapsed beside me on the floor, sobbing.

"Shh Jessie please, we have to be strong, for her sake!" I pleaded, crying as well.

"No, mum doesn't deserve it, no I won't let her go! who would make me the pancakes that she does with eyes & a smiley face on it with the chocolate chips? You don't even know how to open the oven! She always listened to me when I come back from school after having a tough day while you pretended to listen! I love her more than I'll ever love you & more than you'll ever love her! Do you understand me!" she said, sobbing hard.

"Jessie, I know you'll regret saying this, but I understand, please be strong." I cried, hugging her tightly. We sat on the floor, both of us sobbing, while Amy sat with us, hugging us & whispering soothing things in our ears, but it didn't matter. We were losing our mum & we were standing still, not knowing what to do to save her, or what we'll do if she left forever & just the thought of it terrified me.

An hour later, we were in the same position, except that Amy & her father left to grab us something to eat. 

"Where's Jack?" I asked. 

"He's with my mother." Mike smiled at me sympathetically & I nodded, I don't need pity right now. Jessie was looking at the wall in front of her. 

"Sorry" she whispered. 

"For what?" I asked her. 

"What I said earlier, you know I didn't mean it & you were right. You're my best friend after mum of course" she smiled slightly. 

"I know,come here." we hugged each other tightly, but an 'aww' from Mike interrupted us.

"You're such a girl" I teased him. 

"So you're not straight?" he asked, smirking. I could tell that he was trying to lighten up the mood a little bit. 

"Shut up,I'm straighter than your hair" I joked, shoving him playfully, while Jessie slept with her head on my legs. I Kissed the top of her head & sighed. 

"You know, your mother's gonna get better." he said,trying to comfort me.

"I really really hope so Mike, I'm hoping for it more than Ed Sheeran following me" I joked. He chuckled & shook his head.

"I'll never understand your love for him" he said.

"Because of him, I spent the best days talking to a mysterious boy, whom I developed some feelings for & because of him I'm sitting with this boy right now & because of him I'd have never known my true feelings towards this boy" I said, closing my eyes, not waiting for an answer. I was just glad that all I had inside of me was finally out.

I felt someone grab my shoulders & engulf me into a big bear hug, not caring about my little sister that was sleeping on my lap, I hugged him back, shutting my eyes tightly.

"Jamie" he sighed, looking at me smiling."Go to sleep, you need some rest" he said, kissing my forehead. I stayed in his arms, while Jessie was still asleep & me too started drifting off into a nap, but I swear that I heard 'I love you' before completely blacking out.

Honestly, I don't know whether my words to Mike & that kiss we shared was a part of the plane or not. My mind told me it was, but my heart disagreed.