"It's Something" # 1- Something Crazy: Luke Hemmings [ completed ]

Chapter 13: Make it Count

"Oh my god," Jenna cheered as we were walking out of the building with the guys, "That was awesome!"
"Yeah," I turned to them, "You guys were extra hyper today."
"Especially Lukey poo over here." Ashton put his arm around his shoulder, "I wonder why."
Luke just shook his head at him but grinned at me, "I have my reasons."
I rolled my eyes and looked away, but I ended up smiling any ways.

-FLASH BACK-

Calum and Jenna left leaving me and Luke by ourselves in the dressing room. I sighed and sat on a chair, "I'm sorry about what I did earlier."
"No, no." Luke shook his head and took the chair next to me, "Don't apologize. It just took my by surprise."
"I can see why. I was just-"
"Caught in the moment?" He raised his eyebrows at me, and I nodded, "Definitely."
"I can see why." He nudged me, making us both laugh a little.
It was quiet for a while till I decided to take a chance and said, "Can I ask you something?"
He nodded, "Shoot."
"What kind of friendship do we have?"
He gave me a confused look, "What do you mean?"
I shrugged, and rested my elbow on the table next to me, and my head on my hand, "I don't know. Do you feel like we're close?"
"I mean, I only met you a few days ago."
I nodded, "Yeah, that's true."
"Do you think we're close?"
I shrugged, "I don't know."
"I want us to be close."
I shrugged again, "I know."
"I mean, you seem comfortable around me."
"That's because I am."
"And I'm comfortable around you."
I nodded, "Yeah, I know."
He was quiet for a little bit till he sighed, "Okay, it's my turn to ask."
"Go ahead."
He moved closer, "Why won't you open up to me?"
"Huh?" I looked at him and he was staring at me, "What do you mean, Hemmings?"
"You know," He put his hand on my knee, "I know your favorites, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and pet peeves but I don't know your fears, dreams, memories, and family and friends. You know, the more personal side of you."
I shrugged, "I just don't want to."
"But Malulani, I want to get to know you."
"Why?" I got up, "There's nothing special about me."
I started walking away till Luke took my wrist, "Like I said, I'll be the judge of that. Lani, why is that we talk about those kinds of things, you get irritated and want to walk away?"
"BECAUSE," I got out of his grip, "Once you know that side of me, the bad sad twisted dark side of me," I crossed my arms and looked at him, "You'll loose interest."
Luke shook his head, "That's ridiculous. How do you know that?"
I shook my head, "I just know. It happened before, it can happen again."
"What do you mean it happened before?" Luke walked up to me.
"Fuck." I scoffed, and quietly said, "Forget I said that."
"SERIOUSLY?!" Luke exclaimed with a sharp voice that made me flinch, "I'm trying my best to get to know you but you keep doing that! Brushing it off, pushing me away. I don't get you at all! One moment we're getting caught up in the moment like earlier," he walked even closer to me, "But then later, you're like this and shut me out." We heard a knock on the door, and Luke backed up, and scoffed, "What?"
Calum opened the door, and said, "We have to rehearse, man."
"Give me a few minutes."
"Okay, but make it quick."
When the door closed, Luke sighed really loud, "I'm sorry.." He leaned against the table, and crossed his arms, "I didn't meant to throw all that at you."
I shook my head, and whispered, "It's okay." Okay, I admit, I've been pretty selfish around Luke. Every time we would talk, we would talk about anything and everything, but he did had a point of me pushing back. He's been trying and trying to help me open up but I would shut him out. Now I feel like I'm the blame of his confusion around me. That I'm reason why he would friend zone because I'm doing the same thing to him since I don't open up.

I don't want to open up because I'm scared. People left me and brutally judged me because once they know that side of me, they'll assume I'm crazy and there's something utterly wrong with me. No matter how much I try, it's never enough. That I'm never good enough. I feel like I'm scarred for life because of the last guy. I was too emotional for him and when I told him about my cutting, he said I was stupid for doing that and that it was weak of me. When he said that, it is forever marked in my mind. So, that's why I'm scared of opening up to Luke. I don't want to repeat that again. I don't want him to walk away and drop me because of fears, and memories. The reason why I'm trying to keep my mouth shut about my family is because I don't want to bring up what happened at school. My friends? Heh, what friends? Acquaintances, yes. But enough with this stupid paragraph. I should just take everyone's advice of taking chance with Luke because he's a new beginning.