Everything Blue [ OMHK, Book 2 ]

Memories

"The thing I realize is, that it's not what you take, it's what you leave."
― Jennifer Niven, All the Bright Places

J E N N A

"He doesn't even remember me!" I sobbed into Harmon's shirt, feeling my brother pat my back comfortingly.

"Shh, it'll be okay Jenna. You heard what the doctor said, he just has RA. He'll remember everything soon enough," he assured me.

RA stood for retrograde amnesia.

The doctors didn't know that Tyler was gonna have it until he woke, and remembered nothing that'd happened in the past few months.

Tyler remembered Luna, but not me.

What if he forgot that he loved me? What if he ended up falling for Luna since I was nobody to him again? What if his memory never came back?!

God, I hoped that he recovered from this amnesia fast, if at all. The neurologist told me that with enough brain stimulation, Tyler's memory should come back, but until then, there was nothing I could do.

The initial nightmare was over, yet, I couldn't even celebrate.

I felt helpless knowing that the boy I was in love with might not even remember me ever again. I'd have to start over as a stranger, but by then, he'd be in love with Luna again.

I wouldn't be able to watch that happen; even the thought of seeing him with somebody else drove me mentally insane.

I knew I was being overdramatic, but I wouldn't be able to deal with the heartbreak of unrequited love. I would snap if I didn't get far away from the two; somewhere where I'd never have to watch Tyler love somebody else.

I already felt stuck in this town. I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare, and it never changed. Repetition was insanity, and my life was one huge existential crisis.

I didn't want to exist in a world where I couldn't have Tyler. I didn't want to live my life knowing that I almost had him, just to watch him get snatched away.

I still had Tyler's gun stored in my closet.

I'm not gonna lie; I had been planning to kill myself that day in our garden. Something had stopped me from pulling the trigger though, and it'd been hope.

The note had given me hope, and if there was one thing that'd been keeping me alive all these years, it was hope.

If Tyler fell in love with Luna, whatever hope I had left would be stomped on, and life would feel pointless — except this time, I couldn't just deal with the pain by making myself heartless.