Stress relief

Trying something different?

So, the last few months have been crazy for me. I've been ridiculously stressed and I don't know what to do about it. My nonno (grandfather in Italian) had been sick for the past 2 and a half years, to be honest me and my family didn't think he would live as long as he did. He passed away about two weeks ago, the funeral was held a few days after. None of us really took it well and the stress of Mum's work isn't helping. I'm pretty sure the funeral was the first time in years that I've actually expressed and emotion without control. Normally I express exactly what emotion I want exactly how I want it, this time I couldn't do it. I guess it's not surprising.

School hasn't been as bad as I expected lately. One more week until holidays and freedom, although I decided to do this STEM thing that my school offered me. It's a female engineering course where we have to design things that could help disabled people in society. I'm doing it with one of my few actual friends and I'm honestly pretty excited. It's a 5 day thing and me and my friend will have to catch a train into the city and back for those days but I think it'll be pretty good.

Although my social life isn't horrible, my family life is only getting worse. My Mum is a lot angrier lately and she's not really sleeping. Stress no doubt. She gets frustrated a lot and even when I try to help with something she still finds a reason to yell at me. My Dad isn't helping, he's been drinking more than usual and that just makes Mum yell more. My sister is in year 12 so she just goes to the state library to get away from everything. I have no excuse to leave the house so I'm stuck here most of the time. Don't get me wrong, my sister is great, she helped me to put on makeup so I look slightly less like Quasimodo but I just wish she was around more. Year 12 is important though so I'll just have to deal with it.

Along with the whole makeup thing I've been trying different clothes to try and look more presentable in public, I still look like something out of Alien (the movie) but maybe people will think that the effort is what matters? Doubtful, I think I'd rather just spend everyday indoors, being antisocial and nerdy. I'm sick of trying to impress people but I don't think I have anything else to work towards. What other goals could I possibly work on?

My book only has 6 parts. I last updated it around 2 months ago but it's not important because no ones even read the 6th part. Scrap it? I'll figure it out. It's also funny that I haven't even published any of the parts of this book thing yet. I've written a few 'entries' but I haven't uploaded them. I think that ruins the original purpose of this thing. Maybe I'll just upload the first one and see where it gets me?

I think the thing I need the most is someone that I can actually share all of this with. Maybe it's just anxiety getting in my way. Knowing me I'll probably take down the first part after less than a day. I should probably take everyone's advice seriously, they're starting to tell me to just 'be happier' as if that's going to help.

Well I have a sketch to finish, unless I get another task before hand, which would be un surprising.