Stress relief

Resolutions

2018. Yay. Another year of Hell.

Most people are making resolutions like 'I'm gonna lose weight' or 'I'm gonna save up money to buy my own laptop'. We all know that their diet and new exercise regime will last about 2 weeks and they're gonna ask their parents for money for the laptop anyway. What's the point?

My resolution? Don't die and don't fail school. Pretty simple and achievable. I should make everyone resolutions.

So 2018 is supposed to be a new and fresh start. In my opinion it's already worse than 2017 and it's barely been a week. My sister had her birthday a couple of days ago, just turned 18. Nice. Except for be fact that she's already gotten 2 piercings that I've wanted to get for ages, booked a nice apartment to stay in with her friends for a while, gotten into the best Uni in our area, chosen to do Criminology (which is something I had been striving for) and had gotten tickets to see Fall Out Boy in March. I love FOB and she barely listens to them. Did I mention her ticket is in the mosh pit? Because it's in the mosh pit. I swear to god I know she's older but does she have to do everything I've ever wanted to do before me? It's like she can read my mind and aspirations and she's just striving to destroy my interests and passions.

On another note. I have a really awesome friend that I appreciate with my entire being. (I'm not kidding I would sell my soul to Satan for her). So I was ranting to her because I'd had a super shitty day and I was letting out all my stress. It was kinda late so I assumed she was sleeping already. Ironically I fell asleep not long after and as it turned out, she was awake and saw my rant. She got super worried by some stuff I said and texted and called me. (Don't ever leave your phone on silent at night. You will miss phone calls). Because I wasn't answering she called my mum and got super worried about me. We chatted for a bit after that and she was crying tons (god bless this child). Eventually we hang up and my mum looks at me and goes 'you're gonna tell me what that was about'. It kinda fucken sucked but I told her about basically everything, from my anxiety, to my stress, to my breakdowns etc. (didn't tell her about the scar on my hand. Don't think I'll ever mention that one). So by the end of it all my Mum concluded (she's a psychologist) that I feel neglected by my family and I need to work on my self-confidence. Like. What? Self-confidence, yes 100%. Neglected? I don't think so. I had just poured out everything to her about how I get really stressed and that sometimes there are things and situations that trigger my anxiety. I told her that I'm not comfortable about myself and who I am. From all that, she got 'I feel neglected'? I'm sorry, I don't want to judge her job and she's good at psychology, just not on me. I've always been able to very quickly analyse a personality and respond in ways that make them see me how I want them to. This has never failed and it's why no one knows about my anxiety that I haven't told willingly. It's funny how I've been really close to breakdowns in public or around other people and no one has noticed. The other funny thing is that when I told my mum everything she was all like 'we'll need to talk more and work on it' but we haven't spoken about it since. Everything's the same. What was the point in me telling her everything if it's just going to repeat? My emotions will build up again, the only difference is that next time I'm not going to tell anyone. It didn't work out too well last time.

I might rant about stuff on here but it's anonymous so I don't really mind.

I swear to god my life is so fucked up. Can't I just die and be resurrected as a 19 year-old with decent looks, a happy job, a cat and a boyfriend? Is that too much to ask for? Probably.