Stress relief

Ooft. Ya girl is getting confident

Yoooo. So the year has started, year 11 and 12 (because I'm clearly trying to kill myself by doing both this year-psych and philosophy) and I'm aaaaalready stressed.

I mean I expected it to be hard but fucking hell its only been a week. Anyway, mum won't let me get a job because she's telling me I'm gonna overwork myself because of tennis and band and shit so I'm probably gonna struggle to get employed when I'm 18 with no experience but...the mother speaks.

The alternative is I do some chores every Saturday afternoon and she'll give me like $20 so I guess it's not so bad but I don't care much for the money, mostly experience. I do plan on getting my learners though, might not drive yet but it'll be good to have the option.

Also, might've noticed the pic up the top? If not, you can look-or not look. Idk I don't control you. But yes, that is yours truly and yes, there be Snapchat filters because I have no self confidence but I figured even putting up a pic would be a start. Honestly I saved that one as my only selfie on my whole phone because I thought I looked kinda cute? That might be egotistical or whatever but I just thought I looked nice.

I'm also starting another work, not on Wattpad, this one's on ao3 so yes, it be a fanfic. I'm not officially uploading anything yet though just like my story on this because I'd rather finish it and then post regularly then disappear for months at a time when I get stressed, reaaally don't wanna do that to people who read stories. I'm much more casual with this one because ultimately, it's not really for other people? Like yeah some people read it, like one person a month or something but it's mostly just me sharing some thoughts and stuff, helps deal with a lot of mental shit.

And yeah, you could argue the pic up the top cannot possibly be for me, because I see my face in the mirror all the time. But I feel that it is for me because even though barely anyone will read this, just putting a face to my words online is a way for me to tell myself that I can be confident?

Like I mentioned in the last chapter that I have a few piercings and they make me confident (also mum hasn't budged on getting a new one :(. I reaaaally want it but she ain't moving). So for me, putting myself *almost* fully out there is like a huge exhale. And I don't care what people think. If someone looks and thinks I'm ugly, aight. That's your opinion, I thought I looked cute but I'm not out to impress anybody. My fashion sense is comprised of ripped jeans and floppy beanies, because that's what I like.

I remember aaaages ago, like right at the start of this thing, I was all self conscious about my style and fashion, like super worried about what people thought. I'm really happy that I've moved past that and now I can openly wear what I like. I openly talk about my passions and yeah, I wear unflattering clothes sometimes but who doesn't? Right now I'm wearing my pj's, a super baggy shirt from the men's section of factorie and some tracksuit pants (sweat pants if you're American or whatever). My hair is a mess in a bun that's hardly holding and my lips are chapped because I can't be bothered getting up to find lip balm. But who cares? If someone rang the doorbell I'd walk over there and answer it as I am, because I don't need to look good right now.

If I'm getting ready for a gig with one of my bands then yeah, I'm gonna look for comfortable but classy black clothes (coz musos have to wear black). Because I'm performing I wanna look flattering, but I don't have to all the time.

I guess this turned into more of a motivational talk but saying it to yourself makes it so much easier to accept so, if you are reading this, even if it's 10 years after I've written it and I'm 26 and homeless or something. I think it's more than a little success to know that maybe, someone can feel better about themselves because of it. You rock that messy hair and that pimple you woke up with because you don't have to look amazing all the time. And mate, if you've got skin problems like acne I fucken feel that. I've had hormonal acne since I was like 13 and it's only just calming down with lots of meds, and the pic at the top doesn't show the scars because you can't see my chin but it doesn't feel good to walk around with it.

Anyway, feel good about urself and if you accidentally take a picture you think is cute, save it and let yourself feel good, but remember you don't have to be that way 24/7.

Peace,
~Spirit