Stress relief

Halfway mark?

Successfully survived 3 exams, 3 more to go next week. Luckily I have tomorrow off because it's the queens birthday so I'll get the day to study. They're my worst subjects though maths, music and Italian. Ughhhhhhh never wanted to neck myself this much in my life.

I'm doing my best to stay focused but my mind has been all over the place lately. Tons of breakdowns due to stress and I don't know how to feel about anything.

My buddy texted me yesterday and we had a great chat but it's like every time I talk to him he's just telling my to go to the councillors. It's all good with him now and I found out he was just being distant because he's stressed about some SACs, I completely understand that. We had a normally conversation until he mentioned that he's doing a GAT on Wednesday (if anyone doesn't know what it is I'll add a little section at the bottom explaining it), and that he's going to the school councillors after aaaaaand he asked me to tag along. He said he's just going to help manage himself and his schoolwork so he doesn't mind if I go but then I'm gonna have to say stuff too. I don't hate the idea of it but he's told me himself that I couldn't tell them some of the things I've told him because they'll have to call my parents. Besides, I think school councillors are more experienced in dealing with school related stress and not mental illnesses. I'm not gonna lie, I'd feel more comfortable going if he was there because I get suuuuuper nervous around people I don't know but I still think I'll hold off.

Maybe it would help to see someone especially when my mind is muddled like this but I'd rather go knowing that it'll help. My worst nightmare is going there and realising that there's nothing wrong with me and just wasting her time, I don't think I could deal with that and it'd be worse if my buddy were to see that.

Maybe one day I'll go see someone and it'll help, but that's not today...or tomorrow.....or the next month.

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For those who don't know,
A GAT is similar to an exam and is only taken for students doing year 12. It's basically like a backup plan in case something goes wrong and you can't attend any of your year 12 exams, the examiners will then look to your SAC and GAT results to give you an ATAR instead (except people generally get much lower ATARs when relying on the GAT so don't). It's not something you can study for because it's an exams based on maths, science, humanities, arts and social sciences. And yes, you get tested on subjects even if you aren't doing them in year 12. This means that you could smash the maths section because you do methods or specialist but completely fail the humanities section because you haven't done history or geography since year 9. Anyway, I've talked too long. Hope this makes sense!