Stress relief

Bad day?

Ughhhh okay, so the other day I went to a shopping centre because there was this book that I really wanted to buy. So I walk into this store and go to the section I thought it would be in. I spent a good 15 mins looking for this book, by author, title, I even looked on their website like 6 times to make sure they had it. Me being me meant that I was way to nervous to go and ask someone for it so I spent like 45 mins total looking for this book. I walked through the whole store before finally seeing it in children's section (don't even know why it was there, there's mentions of death, vandalism, sex and cancer, it's called 'a monster calls' by Patrick ness if you wanna read it btw). After buying this book and trying not to drop my money I figured that I might as well buy some dinner so I don't have to worry about it when I get home. I literally only wanted some sushi. I had planned to just go and buy 2 rolls and sit down for a few minutes to eat so I could catch my bus and go home. My social anxiety must've really hated me that day because I was to nervous to go order some fucking sushi. I still hate myself for this, I rehearsed my order a bunch of times and still couldn't do it. I decided to just go home instead. It turns out I sat at a random table for took long and just as I got to the bus stop the bus starts leaving. I didn't want the attention of running after it and everyone on the bus seeing me puffed out on this bus so I just watched it go. Because it's fucking winter where I live I was damn cold but I was too stubborn to go back inside for 20mins to wait for the next bus because I thought 'it'll be weird if they see me come back in again' so I sat in the damn cold for 25 mins (bus was late) before getting on the bus only to wait 30 mins to get to my stop and walk for another 10 mins to get home. Basically I got home at about 7:00. I was really hungry because I didn't buy the sushi and it turns out there wasn't much to eat anyway. I pretty much hated myself for the next couple of days and still completely regret my life choices.

I don't know if this counts as anxiety or something if not then okay, please don't kill me. This sort of thing happens a lot actually. If I need help in a store I refuse to ask for it. Even if I can't get it without asking or if it takes me an hour to find it. This also happens a lot when buying food. I actually prefer to get someone else to buy food for me and I just pay them. I've asked my friends to buy things for me all the time but they're always like 'just buy it yourself. What are you afraid of?' To be honest, sometimes I don't know what I'm afraid of. It's such a simple task. Tell them what you want, pay, wait for it, say thank you. But there's also the thoughts like 'what if I mess up my order? What if they don't have it? What if I drop my money and they're waiting for me? What if I didn't give them enough money?

Anyone else feel this way?

Maybe it's just me.