Stress relief

Exams

Everyone hates exams, it's a no brainer at this point. Unluckily for me, mine start in about a week and just to top off my list of everything that I hate, I also have an assessment to do. A major one. And it's due tomorrow. I swear I deserve an award for my ability to procrastinate. Also, I left my criteria sheet at school...luckily I have a friend that sent me a picture of theirs but I'm still pretty sure I'm gonna fail.

Just in case it couldn't get worse, I got sick. Great. I have a pounding headache and my throat feels like I have knives in it. And guess what? It gets better! (Please not the sarcasm). So, my sisters friend has been staying with us for about 2 months now, some stuff happened in her family so my sister offered for her to stay with us. Now, this is cool, I have no issues, she's nice and it's easy to treat her like any other member of the family. The problem? Both her and my sister are in year 12. This means that I have to stay a kilometre away from them AND they get pampered by my parents all the time.

I understand that year 12 is important but my parents have literally forgotten to make me lunch before because they were making some snazzy thing for the queens of the house. Like, really?

To make all this worse, my sisters last exam is the same day as my last exam so my parents seem to think that I have tons of time to look after the other two as if I'm not stressed. Yesterday, I spent a few hours studying in my room and when I came out, I was really stressed. This was mostly because I was doing maths and it was my worst subject. When I came out I was a little cranky but like I said, I was stressed. So my mum sees how I'm acting and she goes 'don't walk around with that attitude' so I apologised and told her that I was just stressed. Then, this fucking lady tells me 'well your sister and Stacy (not the friends real name obviously) are studying for the most I'm portante hear in their lives and you don't see them giving an attitude like that'. LIKE BITCH WHAT? I get it. They're in year 12, but that doesn't mean I can't be stressed, I have exams too and just to make it worse, I HAVE FUCKING ANXIETY. THEY DON'T.

I swear to god sometimes I just get this urge to run away somewhere and never come back but then this wave of anxiety comes over me and I think about if I got kidnapped or raped or murdered or something.

I don't know what to do. I'm having more breakdowns lately but it's not hard to hide. Hold it till 11pm, then cram a pillow into your face as you cry your worries away. Except, they don't go away.

Sorry that this turned into a bit of a rant but I do feel a bit better now. Just writing down your feelings, knowing hardly anyone's going to read it. It's not bad. Much better than try to verbally explain yourself. Maybe one day, someone in my family will read this. Maybe they'll think it's a bunch of bullshit. Maybe they'll understand.

Nah, that's stupid.