Stress relief

Finally

Tomorrow's the last day of school and I have a feeling that the day couldn't pass any slower. Luckily the only homework I have for the holidays is some professional writing work and possibly some science.

Lately I've been having these moments where I really want the week to end. I keep telling myself 'just get through this week, then it's weekend' but now I'm getting sick of it. The weekends feel so much shorter than they really are and every school day feels like forever. I'd like to say I'm excited for the 2 week break. I guess I am, in a way.

I've told some of my friends that I'll go out with them in the first week, although I don't feel like socialising while I'm on break. Maybe by then I'll feel like being a normal teenager? Maybe not.

I've at least started a new book series called 'Dorothy Must Die' it's a spin off of the original 'Wizard of Oz' story. I'm really enjoying it but I feel like I'm only enjoying myself when I'm trying to escape reality. I can't stand having to talk to people and make them think everything's okay, because it's not. I also started a new sketch yesterday, it's turned out alright so far. I think it's a bit more depressing than usual though, I should probably keep it hidden, I don't want people thinking that I'm in a state of depression.

The drawing is of a forest path, just not the nice kind. The trees are all dying and have no leaves and the path is jagged and unpredictable. I've shaded the sky to make it fit the scene and put tons of shadows. I actually like the drawing, I feel like it's the kind of place where I could just sit and read without sounds or disturbances. Maybe I'm weird, or insane. Maybe I'm both.

I'm normally pretty good at hiding my emotions but the annoying thing is that there's always one person who thinks they understand. There's always someone who asks 'are you okay?' I usually reply with something like 'I'm just tired'. I can't stand that people always reply to it with 'yeah, me too. I haven't slept much, and I've been studying tons and I've been doing this or that....etc'. Some people don't get that when I say 'I'm tired' I mean, yes, physically I'm tired, but I'm also mentally tired. I'm tired of hearing these stupid voices in my head telling me I'm not good enough or that I'll never be pretty enough or smart enough or thin enough. I hate it. And the worst thing is, they're louder when I'm actually having fun, but when I give up and lie on my bed knowing that I can't do it. They're dead silent.