Everyone Deserves The Flame (Adopted By Patrick Stump)

I'm Having Another Episode, I Just Need A Stronger Dose (Iris's P.O.V)

7 Minutes In Heaven by Fall Out Boy

I jolted awake, and I couldn't grasp enough air. My hands flew up to my throat, like just resting my hands there would help. But I couldn't breathe. The air was to heavy for it to fill my lungs. I was inhaling fire. Fire. Swallowing the flames. Every breath I was only losing more air.

I felt a hand on my back, and heard a clinking of metal on metal, before a tube was stuck in my mouth. I closed my lips around the tube. A lone tear escaped my eye. I tried to push the hand away, but failed. Reluctantly the hand removed itself. It hurt, not being able to breathe. 

"Inhale, Iris." Patrick's voice filled the room. I had to breathe. I wanted to breathe. I needed to breathe. My vision begun to blur at the edges. I took a breathe, and chemicals filled my mouth. Suddenly my lungs opened up, and air flooded them. "Better?"

"Yes. Thank you." I sighed. And pulled my legs so that they were crossed under the blankets. Patrick nodded, and placed my inhaler on the bedside table. I realized now that he was the only one in the room. Joe had said that they would all be here when I woke up. "Where's the rest of the guys?" I asked.

"They went to get some food. I let Pete choose, so we're probably going to end up with pizza." Patrick explained. I just didn't have it in me to call him Dad again. Or call my Uncle's Uncle. I didn't deserve to call them that. I didn't deserve this at all. "What are you thinking about?" Patrick asked. I realized my eyes were watering. I pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes.

"I'm thinking that I don't deserve this life you gave me, Patrick. I don't. All I've done is bring more harm than good. I just don't deserve it." I spilled. The smile fell from Patrick's face. He reached out for me, but I shook my head no. I don't deserve it.

"But you do Iris. You deserve the whole world. Remember when we were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, and you said if you ever won a bit of that money, you would use it to help kids who needed some extra help. Remember when you found about a nine year old girl who's mom just left her to live on her own, and you said you would've done anything to help her. Remember when you saw that lady crying on the street, and you went up to her and asked her if she needed to talk. Remember how you listened to every word she had to say. I remember it. I remember it all. I remember thinking that you deserved it all. You deserved the best of the best. You deserve it, Iris. You. Deserve. It." He told me. I nodded my head. I remembered those days. I just wanted to make the bad in everybody else's life's disappear. Everybody else's, but my own.

When he reached out this time I didn't fight him. He pulled me into a hug, and I broke. Everything inside me snapped. I held onto him, and cried onto his shoulder. I just let the tears fall. I didn't fight the tears away, because I couldn't keep fighting them. It was silent tears. And those tears spoke the loudest. They said exactly what My lips couldn't. They left little rivers, on my face, that led to little lakes on Patrick's shirt. Patrick rubbed my back up and down. My heart wasn't made of elastic, but made of stone. Because every once in all while, under pressure stone crumbles. And everything inside me was crumbling.

"It's going to be okay. You'll be okay." Patrick said, but I couldn't believe him. Everything inside me wanted to believe the words he said. But I couldn't bring myself to believe it. I've been like this for so long. I just couldn't see myself being okay again. But I nodded anyways. I wanted to believe that maybe one day I'll be okay. But I haven't been okay in so long, it felt like an impossible goal to reach. Maybe there is no such thing as okay.

It's okay.

You're going to be okay.