Oops, I Messed Up My Line

C for Confused

A/N I'm sorry this update took so long, some things came up. This episode was supposed to be based off of an episode but the website I use is having complications so imma wing it.

~Nari's POV~

I'll be completely honest, I've never felt so relaxed in all my life. With the court case resolved I feel like a lot of my stresses washed away-- not all, but some. 

At the current moment I was sitting peacefully in the living room of the Share House, it was before sunrise, but I was awake and lovingly petting Cucumber. Gazing out at the back yard gave my ample time to simply think, something I wasn't able to do in the rushed and eventful days that made up the past two months. One major thought that crossed my mind was Jackson.

I know what it looks like, to the press and fans, it looked like we were together. After watching back the episodes and the court trial it really looked like it. He seemed to treat my similarly to Joon Hyung, a JYP little sister, but that was in the first few episodes. Looking at how we were now, it may seem conceited to say this, but it came off as affectionate.

I've never had a lot of romance in my life, from moving to another country to spending years training I simply never had time. So I could totally be reading this entire situation wrong, and if that's the case then I'll really embarrass myself later.

I feel like I've been evading it for a while, and maybe it's because I'm a novice at romance, but I like Jackson. you always see girls in dramas either fall in love too fast, become oblivious, or choose to deny and ignore it. Personally I think that's very dumb. Yes, I do like Jackson I admit it, will I ever work up the confidence to tell him? Probably not.

Here's the thing. Jackson in my eyes is the perfect person if that makes sense. He has always supported me, not just as a labelmate but when I needed him most. At the court trial, when my manager grabbed me in Bukjeong, and he even cheered me up when I was throwing up every meal I tried to down. Ignore his face for a second, even if that's great too, just his personality has proven to me that he's worth it.

But the real question is, am I? 

Cucumber looked up at me, and I could tell by the way he was looking at me he was like reading my mind or something.

I sigh and pick him up, "Don't look at me like that, I know it sounds bad but it's true!"

He responded with a whine.

"I know I'm overthinking but look at it my way, all the issues that happened recently were a lot, I lost a lot of confidence and self esteem, even if I'm better eating-wise, my mind still goes to bad places. I can't be fixed in the blink of an eye. That's why I can never tell him I like him." I explain with a shake of my head.

"Like who?" A voice cuts in and I jump, nearly tossing Cucumber.

"Holy shit you scared me!" I shriek, Nana just laughs from the stairs, coming down to sit next to me.

You can tell she was waiting for me to speak up, tell her who I liked and what was on my mind.

With a groan I face the older girl, "I like Jackson."

"I knew it, I knew it! Ha, and Sunny said you were going to be with Mark, as if." she laughed to herself, overjoyed at the revelation.

Her excitement shocked me. Maybe I was oblivious to more things than I thought. Nana was an amazingly kind person and I knew I could trust her with this, she's just very loud.

She seemed to calm herself down a bit, "Okay, it's great you like him, but why do you think you don't deserve to, I heard what you said."

Fiddling with my hands a bit I reply, "I know you'll tell me otherwise, but I really have issues. and I don't mean to say that in an angsty dramatic way, it's just true, I have issues I need to deal with and before they're gone I don't want to worry him with them."

Nana nodded along, considering my point of view. 

"I get it, really I do. But the thing is, he cares about you a lot, whether you want to see it or not. He'd be more happy to be with you and helping you get better, than you pushing him away and trying to do it yourself. You can't rebuild confidence alone. And relationships are about working together, so consider him right now, think of him. He makes you happy doesn't he? If he does now imagine how happy and loved you feel if you actually were dating. it's okay if you don't want to confess right now, but don't totally rule it out."

If four months ago I were to think that joining this TV show would bring me as much joy as it does now I'd probably laugh. I joined the show for publicity and that's it. But the people I've met, the friends I've made, it's so genuine.

I offer Nana a warm smile, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and pulling her in for a tight hug.

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

Shattering the mushy atmosphere she reaches up and ruffles my hair, "No problem kiddo, let's go start breakfast so those lazy slobs don't start complaining first thing in the morning."

With a laugh I get up from the couch and follow after her into the kitchen.

"You're right, our family has a large appetite."

Our family. It felt nice to say.

--------------------

A/N

Okay I am so so so so sorry this took for long my website bugged out then I went on vacation and then now it's testing season. BUT I'm back now and once again I'm super sorry for not actively updating, I'll try harder. believe it or not this book doesn't have a whole lot of chapters left, so maybe it'll be over by the end of summer or early Sept/Oct.

On a completely unrelated note BTS world tour ticket sales start in 49 minutes and my fam is just sittin here with 8 devices waiting. Wish me luck~