Flesh and Blood

Doing This For You

"Jon, it's been a week. You should go back to the hotel, take a shower, eat something, sleep in a bed for a while. She's not going anywhere."

Colby put his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it away. I was exhausted and I had to look like hell. I hadn't really moved much since being allowed to see her. I stand outside when her mom comes and I've really just left long enough to use the bathroom or get water. I just can't leave her here alone

"What if she wakes up and I'm not here? Then what? She'll be alone and I don't want her to feel alone anymore."

"Jon...seriously...you need a break. IF she wakes up and you're not here then I'll tell her where you are.  She's not going to be alone."

"You'll stay? Really?"

"Yes, I will stay. Please Jon. Do yourself a favor and take a break."

He handed me the key to his room and the keys to the rental car. I looked up at him and he half smiled as I sighed. I wanted to go, but I didn't. I looked at Cassie and half smiled. I wish she'd wake up and smile at me. At least she wasn't as pale anymore. I gently stroked her hair and kissed her cheek. 

"I'll be back soon Cassie. I love you sweetheart."

I turned and headed out to the car. I stood by the trunk and lit a cigarette. I took a long drag and held it. I hadn't heard from the lawyer in a couple of days and I was hoping that no news was good news. If it wasn't good news I just hoped that in the end what I was doing was right. The last thing I wanted was for Cassie to hate me for trying to help her. I slowly exhaled the smoke and put the rest out and headed towards the hotel. I opened the door and collapsed on the bed. I just wanted to sleep and not think of anything for a little while. 

Colby's POV:

I sat here and stared at her for a minute. I never really paid attention to how much she really looked like Savannah. I chuckled to myself...Savannah's good looks and Jon's 'charm'...and put my head down. I felt awful for Jon to have to go through all of this alone for the last 16 years. It was a helluva burden for someone to carry. I've known Jon a long time and never saw him care about anything as much as he cares about her. I think she even took over wrestling for him. It was becoming increasingly clear that he needed her just as much as she needed him. I half smiled at the thought, stood up and held her hand

"Cassie your dad is taking a much needed break so you're stuck with me...sorry about that. He's been here all day and all night, every single day for the last week and he's so tired. This is the first time he's left your side. He loves you so much Cassie. You really need to wake up because I think that he needs you just as much as you need him. Whatever it takes Cassie...please don't give up because I don't know what your dad would do without you"

Jon's POV:

I kept hearing a familiar laugh in the distance. I started walking towards it, but the closer I got to the sound it would move further away. I stopped walking and just stood there.  I waited but no one came. I turned to leave

"Daddy?"

I turned around and Cassie was standing there smiling at me. I felt like the air had been sucked from my lungs and my chest was heavy. My eyes welled up and I could barely speak

"Cassie?"  I spoke in barely a whisper

She stepped towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist forcing a slight smile from me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. 

"Don't cry daddy.  Why are you sad?"

"I know why you're here and it hurts me. Please Cassie...please come back. Don't stay here. I need you and I know you need me."

"But I can still be with you here and I'll always be able to see you. And I get to stay with my mom"

I shook my head "No, Cassie it's not the same. You're too young. It's not right. I can't lose you too."

"I love you dad. I'm glad that I found you."

She turned to leave and started to walk away. I grabbed her hand. 

"Cassie...I love you too sweetheart.  That's why I can't let you go. I spent 16 years regretting every day not having you in my life. I finally get to spend a little time with you and you're trying to leave again. I'm trying to make this right so you won't have to go back to that house. I'm trying to help you so we can finally be a family."

"Cassie!!"

I shot up in bed and looked around. I grabbed my phone and realized that I had been here for more than half of the day. I ran my fingers through my hair and got up to take a shower. I sent Colby a text message and apologized for being gone all day. I stood in the shower letting the hot water fall on my head. I wish I could shake these dreams. I feel like they're trying to tell me something and every time I dismiss it or ignore it something bad happens. I got out of the shower and checked my phone and saw that I had missed a call from the lawyer. I quickly got dressed and made my way back to the hospital since that's where he said he'd meet me in the voicemail he left me. I walked in the door of the hospital and saw the lawyer, the woman from family services, the counselor and Nancy White sitting there waiting for me. I didn't know Nancy was going to be here...

Lawyer: "Jon, I know we haven't spoken in a few days and some significant things happened today you need to know about."

I nodded

"The first is that the judge has reinstated your parental rights. That just means you can now fight for custody of Cassie. You don't get to make decisions or anything like that right now. For now she is still in the state's custody.  I went ahead and filed the paperwork to start that process since that is what we discussed and I assume it's what you want"

"Yes, yeah, that's great.  Thank you.  So what's the other part?"

"The judge said that visitation needs to be split between you and the Whites. It means that you can't be there 24/7 like you are right now. You...."

"No"

"Jon, you can't say No to this"

"The hell I can't...NO...no way"

"Jon, if you say no and refuse to leave you are defying a court order. You can be arrested for it. It hurts your custody case."

"It doesn't matter to him that they're the reason we're in this situation to begin with???!!"

"At this time he is trying to be fair to both sides. You've been there for a week. You now have to walk away and let the White's have their time.  He could've just as easily said that no one gets to visit her at all."

I got up from my seat and went down the hall to her room. I went in and Colby was standing there talking to her. He turned to look at me and gave me confused look. He backed away from her as I went over. I stroked her hair and held her hand. 

"Cassie please. I don't have a lot of time with you now. I don't want to go, but the judge is forcing me to. Please wake up Cassie. Please. Always remember that I love you and that I'm doing all of this for you. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm trying to help...please remember that. I don't get to make the decisions and I'm doing my best. I'm trying Cassie. I promised that I'd find a way to fix it...I'm really trying."

I heard the door open and I kissed her cheek and held tightly to her hand. I didn't want to let go. Colby came over and put his hand on my arm

"Jon, it's going to be fine. You have to walk away. She'll be alright. Remember she belongs to the state right now and not the Whites...they don't get to make decisions either. Just let go for now.  You'll be able to come back. Save the fight for court."

"I can't abandon her again...."

"You're not. Like you just told her...your trying to fix it. You're doing this for her.  Go along with what was decided. Fight for her, but not here."