Flesh and Blood

Help Part 2

We arrived at the house and I had a horrible pit feeling in my stomach. The dream was messing with my head and the fact that her brother and ex boyfriend specifically came to find me doesn't make me feel any better either. We started walking up to the door and the more I thought about it the sicker it made me feel and the more angry I was becoming

"When was the last time someone actually saw her?"

"2 days ago at the family meeting before my parents left on vacation."

"Did she look OK? Talking?"

"She hasn't looked or been 'OK' since my dad made Seth leave. Everything has gone downhill and gotten progressively worse. The more she fought, argued or mouthed off to my dad the worse it got. We've all tried to get him to back off and leave her alone, but he just can't let what she does go. He won't let her be herself and he's pissed that she found you."

We climbed up the stairs to her door. How we were supposed to even talk to her with that song up that loud was beyond me. I tried to open the door, but it was blocked so I pushed on it.

"What is she barricading the door with?"

"Her bureau"

"You said 'doors' earlier is there another way in?"

"Yeah through the bathroom, but that's barricaded too. She blocks that with her desk usually."

I pounded loudly on the door "Cassandra...open the door it's me."

We waited for a second. The music was so loud she wasn't going to hear me. We went around to the other door. I pushed on it and it seemed like if Colby helped me this door would probably open. We pushed on the door and it moved a little. I was able to get my hand in and I tried to push the desk away from the door, but couldn't. How in the hell is someone as tiny as she is able to move this heavy furniture? We pushed a little harder and there was enough room for Colby to squeeze through the door to move the desk out of the way.  "Gomenasai" by tATu was blaring and it was starting to get really annoying. He squeezed in and disappeared and the music stopped. He still hadn't moved the desk and was on the phone talking to someone. He came back over and peered around the corner

"Jon I don't think you should be in here"

"What are you talking about? Move the desk"

He walked away and started talking again. I was starting to panic now. I looked over at Seth and he came over and helped push the door enough that I could fit through. Colby came back over and put his free hand out to stop me

"No...seriously don't Jon. Let Seth or Travis in...don't...I mean it"

As soon as he walked away again I squeezed in and pushed the desk out of the way. It was like the air was sucked from my lungs. I couldn't breathe and I felt like I had been kicked in the chest. Colby turned around and gave me a disappointed look and tried to stop me

"What are you doing? Move. Help her!"

"I am helping her...I'm on the phone with 9-1-1. Have Travis and Seth come in and move the bureau so the paramedics can get in here."

I let them in and sat on the floor next to her and pulled her up to my chest and held her. Two empty Tylenol bottles were next to her and one wrist was partially cut like either she chickened out and went for the Tylenol or the Tylenol was taking too long. I took a deep, shaky breath and looked down at her...she was barely there and if they couldn't help her there was no way I was letting her go thinking she was alone

"I'm here Cassie. I'm always here. I love you so much...you have no idea Cassie. I've always loved you. You'll always be my little girl. Please stay...please. I've already lost your mom...I can't lose you too."

I kissed her forehead and softly stroked her hair. I felt like this was a horrible nightmare I wasn't going to wake up from. It seemed like it was taking forever for the ambulance to show up. I looked up at Colby and he put his hand on my shoulder

"They're coming Jon. I promise."

They finally showed up and I left the room and went outside. I couldn't be there. I realized that legally I have no claim to her. I can't make any decisions. I wouldn't even be allowed to see her at the hospital. After everything I wasn't going to let the Whites do this to her anymore. I didn't know where to start. I scanned through my phone contacts and noticed I still had the adoption counselors phone number for some reason. Maybe she could help me...advice if nothing more. I think I talked to her twice right after Cassie was adopted, but Savannah talked to her several times a week. She was trying to help Savannah deal with her feelings. It was all I had at this point. 

Colby and I followed the ambulance. I was nervous. What I was doing was huge, but it needed to be done. Even if in the end it meant nothing and didn't accomplish a thing because she didn't make it. We arrived at the hospital and were met by the counselor and a lawyer that agreed to help me. He got all the information he needed and made a few calls. I sat in the waiting room of the ER a nervous wreck. At least it was going to take her "parents" half a day to get here. That was plenty of time according to the lawyer I just hoped he was right.