He will never love me (Ziall)(BoyxBoy)

trying to end it all

*back to the present*

harry's P.O.V

i slip into my bed at my mum's house i think about all the lives i have screwed up and the people i have broken, i still never said goodbye to demi, i pull out my phone and text demi

" hey demi its harry, i just wanted to say goodbye you were an amazing friend and i am glad i really got to know you"

she replies

" harry please don't do anything stupid"

" dem he told me he loves me, he broke up with josh he asked me out and do you know what i said"?

" did you say yes"

"no i said no, i broke him, i broke myself and there is no fixing me" i text her with tears in my eyes" goodbye"

i decide to text liam next

" hey li its harry i really want to say thank you for being there for me, through it all. it hurts me to say this but goodbye"

i text zayn next

" hey z you are my best friend and this is going to be so difficult to say, but i guess i have to say it, goodbye buddy, i am sorry i screwed up you and niall, i guess thats what happens whe you just fuck everything up"

i text louis next

" lou you meant the world to me you are my everything you made me smile for so long and even when i left you were on my mind 24/7 but louis when i said no at the hospital i saw the pain in your eyes and the sadness in your soul, i saw that i had broke you, you deserve someone better than me, plus josh has a better voice than me i am pretty sure he would be better in the band than i ever was goodbye boo bear i love you "

finally i text the one i had been dreading

" nialler i am sorry for all the pain i have caused you, i am sorry about worrying you and now i know why i did the things i did, because that first time we were in the hospital i noticed something, something that scared me i was in love with louis but ni i was head over heels for you and i was scared so i ran away, i ran away from all the pain i ran away from the people i loved and that loved me, so niall i want you to love zayn like i could't love you goodbye leprechaun i love you"

i open up the bottle of pain killers and i swallow them all, i pull out the razor and slide it across my skin viciously. i feel the world go dark, you know how people say that before death your entire life goes by well it does because in those moment, i saw all the boys for one last time, i saw us winning our brit even our kid's choice awards, i saw all of our concerts at once and for the first time in forever i felt happy