An ordinary girl

chapter-21

"Try till you're satisfied but never lose your own worth and respect for the sake of something which isn't gonna work"

I knew that somethings are meant to make us happy but they are not meant to make us happy forever. There are times when the thing which has made you happy can be the reason behind your sadness but still we don't wanna give up and we need to try atleast for that one last time.

After spending a day with Suhana I was content and sharing my problems with her gave me a lot of moral support which I needed. The funs and the moments were memorable but still I needed to figure out things on my own. She is a good friend of mine who has always supported me and has stood by my side in times of need but she can guide me, make me realize the truth and she can help me with the problems but in the end its me and its my life and every problem needs to be sorted by me and no one else. The relationship with Vansh was my decision and how much I have known him no one else has so its definitely me who has to take the decision and has to make a choice. There are certain goodness and badness too. Our relation has been more than any normal relation and we both have loved each other truly in our own way and we both have tried our best to make it work. He had made mistakes and so have I. Now when I know that things are getting complicated and something needs to be done than definitely it will be me only who has to take the decision.

For the past hour I have been sitting in my room and have been thinking about each and every circumstances and situations because this is something which I need to do in order to do justice with my ownself and with Vansh too. Opening the book of my life I tried to turn over and read all the pages of our relation. I needed to find the problem so that I can fix it.

When we met for the first time I wasn't that attracted to Vansh. Each time he was around I would get frustrated and he was so attracted with me that he would not miss a single chance to be with me. He kept on staring at me like a creep and I told him clearly that hasn't he seen a girl before. His answer is still fresh in my mind and heart. He said "ofcousre I have seen many girls but none were as beautiful as you" and this was enough to make me smile but still I wasn't ready to let go of my ego. As time passed with started having small talks and when I was returning back to my home he asked me to be friends and I said yes. At that time we didn't had any source of communication and soon he became a memory and I was happy with my life but one day through a common friend of ours I came to know about him and the fact that he still remembers me. After thinking I gave him my house number and even took his from my friend and after somedays we started talking. We used to talk and share each others problem, we became quite close with time but still there was something which was not letting me fall in love with him. The friendship was strong but I wasn't able to cross that line to take our friendship to the next level of love and maybe it was due to the fact that our background was different and even our thinking and academic excellence was different. I have always been a good student and I have always wanted to achieve something in life. It wasn't the high profile life that I aimed for rather it was all about having a happy satisfied life but Vansh was lacking in that department. He loved me with all his heart but he wasn't serious about his studies and I being a english medium student had lot of responsibilities and even expectations from my parents and I knew that my parents would never approve of someone who isn't even near my qualification. This was somewhere stopping me from making any futher move and than one day one of my relatives told me that Vansh is dating someone else and when I asked him he has nothing to say. After that I never talked to him again and when I was in high school I met a guy and we started talking nothing of romantic sort just friendship but soon I realized the truth behind his good behavior and than I never talked to him again.

My life was going pretty good and so was my academic life and as per my romantic life is concerned I was not in a proper relation with someone but I used to talk to some boys but that was just something known as healthy flirting atleast that's what I term it as. Than one day again I heard Vansh's name and it brought back the memories and than I met him through one of my relatives (the same relative who once told me that he was dating someone else). We met and we talked about everything I told him him some deepest secrets of mine and so did he and after that we kept in touch for a while and yes we even shared a kiss but after that due to my family problems I have to leave him and move to another state for futher studies but still I somehow managed to be still in contact with him. Everything was ok but still there was that hesitation in my heart to give him a proper commitment though he has achieved a lot but still his academic lackness and his behaviour made me question things. Maybe I was wrong to question his love and judge him on the basis of his qualifications and background but I do know that love isn't the only thing that can make the love going and loving someone does mean accepting them as they are but it also means to love the person whom you can introduce to your family without any hesitation and without worrying about the fact that they can question your choice. Taking a breath I realized one thing that maybe I was wrong to judge him but this isn't a fairytale or a novel that talks about loving a person how they are and having an happy ending at the end but rather its a reality which isn't about loving blindly but about being someone who makes you happy and more than that makes you satisfied.