An ordinary girl

chapter-2

"Sometimes the most hardest thing to do is to believe in your own self"

The voices inside my head was bugging me for hours as I laid wide awake in the bed gazing at the sky with nothing but my own self destructive thoughts to keep me accompany. As the night turned darker the moon shined brighter and the thoughts inside my head turned dangerously more sharper, indicating I have one more sleepless night. Turning and tossing did not help the situation and soon the night cascaded giving ways to the morning lights.

Lazily getting up I decided to get ready for work. The cold water sooted the burning sensation of my heart and took away the signs of sleepless night that I had. After the shower and dressing up I decided to grab some breakfast. Looking at the empty dining table,I again felt that emptiness that stink in my heart. Ignoring the feeling I decided to go ahead with the day and headed towards my office. On reaching the office I felt the similar calmness with which I have been familiar for years now.

I walked towards my cabin and made myself comfortable on the leather chair. I took the pen and felt the same tingles that I have always felt and why wouldn't I, being a writer has always been a dream something which has always made me feel alive and happy.

Today when I look back at the book of my life I realise that being a writer was the best decision I have ever taken for myself. Tearing myself away from the thoughts I picked the papers from my desk and gazed at the words written on it 'Believe In Yourself' , i realised what an irony it is trying to convince others that believing in oneself is the best thing to do and maybe even the solution to every problem but on the other hand we ourself never believe in that theory, its an strange word where words have different meaning for diiferent people. Realizing that i have been to conversed in my thoughts for a whilw now I tried to put it aside and starting concentrating at the work.

After finishing my article I checked the time and realised it was almost the end of the working time and I got so engrossed in my work that I even skipped the lunch but something started bothering me as I realised that the day was almost over, something was missing, I decided to check my phone and there was nothing no call and no message just the blank screen. The loneliness inside me started growing and again I tried to calm my nervous by reminding myself that he too had a life and a job which requires his time and attention and he would call me as soon he gets free and I proceded to complete the rest of the pending work but that small voice at the back of my head told me the opposite and once again reminded me of all those painful memories.

Sometimes I wonder that why haven't I still gotten use to the ignorance and pain. But the answer is very much simple, loving someone for years and sharing almost half of your life with them gives you quite a patience and understanding and most importantly it teaches you to compromise. All those promises which the person has made always agitate that little hope in you. The memories of the days when he use to convince me of his live are still so fresh. Even after years I remember the day when he promised to stand by me and support me forever.

It was a shiney day and I was confined within the boundaries of my room and was talking to him and I clearly remember him saying, "baby I promise to always stand by you and support you in every circumstance". That's when i asked him if he really means it to which he replied " i love you Sanaya never ever doubt my love and care for you. It is real and will always be real because I love you" and that's when he won my heart and I remember telling him back " I love you too Vansh" .

I trusted him and his words with all my heart but today when I look back and remember all those promises he made I feel that maybe the words he said were free and his actions would have cost him that's why he isn't able to keep his promise. His words still lingers in my head and so does his actions.

The passion for my work was lost with each thought of him and finally not able to work anymore I decides to head home holding the phone tightly in my hand in the hope of receiving the call I have been waiting for all day and maybe the call would put a stop to all my negative and endless thoughts but somewhere deep down i knew the call would never come because i knew him to well to know the fact that right now he isn't missing me and that made my heart skip a beat just like once his smile did. Finally its time to head home and lie in my cocoon with my endless thoughts.

This took quiet a while to write. Hope you enjoy. Like and comment.😊