An ordinary girl

chapter-24

"Loving someone isn't the problem but the real mistake we make is that we are so much in love with the person that we are not able to look at the truth that is right infront of us"

Right now when I look back at all those memories which at the time I used to think that I will cherish them forever, all seems fake and the truth can be seen and felt which I have neglected for so long. The times when I was so blind in love and my guilt that I wasn't able to see what actually it was, are clear now. The fact that I was so much in love with him doesn't hurt me that bad but the fact that I have ignored the truth does hurt now.

The times when I needed him he wasn't there and when I would question him he always had excuses to give. The same excuses that he gave me when i was sick and was left in agony but he wasn't there. The pain was making me weak and so was love. When he wasn't there with me I still didn't felt that much of pain but when he ignored my suffering for his pleasure, that broked me. I was ill and wasn't able to do anything to reduce it and when he called me to meet him I was happy that maybe we are going to sort out the diiferences but upon reaching his place I realised this meeting wasn't meant to sort out the differences but rather it was to satisfy him. My arguments and pleadings were all in vain because for him it wasn't that much of pain just some infection that I had. He even didn't bothered to take me to the doctor because according to him he himself was a doctor and can make me fell good by having some private and fun moments. Maybe he was and that's what I have always thought that he is my doctor because only he has the ability to make me happy but what I forgot was that his medicines comes with a cost that I had to pay.

Making love wasn't the problem but the pain was. He was so lost in the physical pleasure that he ignored my pleas and pain. After that day the pain incresed and I told him about it but he said that it was nothing to worry about and it will we reduced as our intimacy grow but he was so wrong. We met after few days again and it was again the same thing. He wanted to satisfy himself and I wanted to make him happy even at the cost of my health and pain. I did what he wanted me to do and that was my biggest mistake I shouldn't have done that because it made him more dominating and demanding. My health wasn't his concern anymore all that mattered was his satisfaction and that's how it was, each meeting consisted of having sex and after that my suffering. As days passed the pain that my body felt only increased and still I was there to fulfill his needs and soon it became a routine. After some days I went to my home and that's when I went to the doctor and have to take hard medicines and injections to get well and still he didn't asked me how it was going all he said was that now I won't be feeling the pain and the love making will be great.

When I returned back and met him he didn't asked me how I was but there was just one thing in his mind that it has been days since we made love, so let's do it and as always I gave in my love for him. I wasn't complaining because in the starting it was good and I was happy that atleast I was able to make him happy by any means but what I didn't realise was that it was becoming an habit and nothing else. The days went like that and I tried to balance between my college and him. I tried to be there for him whenever he needed me or he wanted me.

After some times he got a job and I was happy for him but he started ignoring me for his job. I never asked him or demanded him to talk to me every minute or hour, all I wanted was to have some time for ourself and he did gave that to me on weekends but that just consisted of meeting him at his place and having sex nothing else no talks and no care. After that he would leave for his job and I for my hostel. I never realized what I was losing and maybe I wasn't losing anything but surely I wasn't either gaining anything. I was just becoming his slave and nothing more. With each passing day the situation got more worse and when I started questioning him he felt that either I was doubting on his love or was cheating on him when in reality it was nothing like that and all I needed from him was the answers and true love.

I have no idea where I went wrong and what was my fault that he did this but one thing I know for sure that he didn't broke me all at once but rather he broke a part of me one by one and I don't know what is worse that he still does the same or the fact that I'm not able to stop him.