An ordinary girl

chapter-13

"Love and care is a secondary thing but the necessity is that of respect and understanding"

My mind was numb and so was my body. I wasn't able to think anything nor was I able to move myself. It has been hours since Vansh left and I haven't left the spot even for a second. As I sat there the feeling of disgust got stronger and stronger and with each breath I realised how difficult it was to live.

There were thousands of questions running in my head but it was getting impossible to seek answers for them. What I didn't get was the fact that where I actually went wrong? What I did that angered him so much? Am I not allowed to question him or ask him anything regarding our relation? It wasn't the numbness that was actually causing the pain but indeed it was the feeling of being used what was making me burn with anger.

There was this voice deep inside which reminded me of things I certainly didn't wanted to remember. There were times when he would apologize for his mistakes but now he don't even feel sorry rather he blames it on me actually he has made it a habit that whatever wrong happens is certainly my drama not even a fault but a drama because that's what I know. I remember the times when he would sit and talk to me listen to me but the problem is that it was way before we started dating and once in a relationship things changed so does he and I have no idea what's more painful seeing the love he had once turning into obsession or the fact that it isn't the love that has changed but rather its he who has changed in reality. Those promises of respecting me and my decisions and always understanding me has vanished into thin air and all that is left is his promises hidden deep in my heart which I once thought weren't just promises but his love for me.

Being in the same position for hours has made every muscle of my body ache. I slowly got up and made my way to the kitchen to clean it. Reaching it I realized the food which I made with so much love was still there and he was so lost in his anger that he didn't even noticed my efforts which I made to make him happy. Wiping the tears away I started cleaning the table and kept the pasta away. After cleaning the kitchen I made my way to the room in order to clean it too but on reaching it I realised the condition of the room was even more worst than the kitchen. Bedsheets were thrown here and there, pillows lay scattered on the floor and clothes thrown away. The condition of the room was clearly indicating the love we made to each other.

Even the thought of the moment we shared was enough to brought back the tears I was trying to hold back. Slowly I started to clean the room without thinking much in order to distract myself from all the painful thoughts. Once done with the room I settled on the bed and picked my phone to see if I have any call or message from Vansh but there were none. Closing my eyes I thought to sleep but the problem was that my mind wasn't ready to shut down atleast not at the moment. Getting up I walked to the balcony and sat on the sofa and started to think that what was my mistake? Maybe he got angry because I told him that he didn't trust me enough to share his problems or maybe the fact that I raised my voice at him. I kept on calculating all the things which I did wrong in order to make him upset and angry and I tried my best to make myself believe that this wasn't his fault but it was mine. But the problem was that I knew it wasn't my mistake it was his because being in a relationship gives me the right to question him and try to make things work between us and that's what I was willing to do and I so badly wanted to make things right because I was upset and the sadness was killing me and I wanted to be happy, I wanted us to be happy. That's when I  realized that maybe this was my mistake, thinking about being happy and maybe that's what made him upset.

My love for him was wearing me off and it made me felt as if I was the only one who was trying and all he did was to walk away but still I was willing to make excuses for him and was hiding his mistakes but blaming myself. Getting up I walked back to the room and switched off the light. Laying down I closed my eyes knowing the fact that its me whose gonna think and whose gonna suffer because the other person wouldn't be feeling it. The pain was mine to bear because it is me who has given him the right to treat me like this. And with that I drifted to sleep.

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