An ordinary girl

chapter-27

"That's the thing about love we don't understand that it alone has the ability to shape us and destroy us completely "

Love, love and love and nothing else. The most powerful word that has the ability to shape you and make you weak. It's nothing but it's everything. It can help you conquer the world and then it can even make you lose each and everything. It holds more power than anything else and deep down we know what it is capable of doing but we still worship it. We need it and crave for it just like a dieing man needs breath. We happily give ourselves to this feeling even if it means losing ourself in the end and this is the real power of love. Sometimes I wonder that are we really a fool that we destroy our ownselves or are we that desperate that we can't imagine living without it.

Loving someone makes us strong but at times it becomes our weakness as it gives someone else the ability to destroy us completely. We never realise the damage that love causes because we are so lost in the temporary pleasure that it provides that we are not able to look beyond it. Love and love alone can keep you alive at the same time when it is killing you. I know the pain because I'm witnessing one. The pain, the hurt is so strong that it makes you shallow but still you are in love actually I'm not in love, I'm in love with the pain it gave. All those moments when my love promised me to stand by my side and protect me were all fake because in reality it never happened and I'm struck on the same page where I want to turn it over and at the same time stay on it and read it once more in the hope that the answer would be different.

I still want to have that one reason which can help me hold on this relation one more time and I can go back to the past and be the same as I was but I guess somethings aren't meant to happen in reality. The fact that he shouted at me, raised his hands or hacked me accounts doesn't bother me that much but the fact that he misuderstood me and said things that I could never imagine did hurted me the most.
All those times when he doubted me love and even my character gave the deepest wounds but still I'm loving him with all my might and hoping that one day he would change for me and will be able to see that love is more then physical intimacy.

When I see all those couples who are having fun and going on dates my heart ache and I wonder when will Vansh do any such thing for me. When will that day come when he would take me out on his own will. I really don't remember when was the last time when he took me out to spend some time with me. We have always met in a confided place away from people and its not that I don't enjoy being alone with him, I do but you see when each and everytime you are going to the same place and all your meetings consist of being inside the walls of your own room it starts bothering you and that's exactly what is happening with me. We meet either at his place or mine. And if he ever took me out it would be to a park and nothing else. I have never complained to him regarding all this but now it is suffocating me the fact that we have never behaved like a proper couple and he has never treated me like his girlfriend. He would always tell me that I'm his wife not his girlfriend but If being a girlfriend means that he is allowed to treat me as badly as he wants and if it means having sex each time we met and no interaction and just his doubts and obsession then I don't want to have a relation like this. I just want to live in this relation, I just wanna enjoy it and feel it. I want to know my value and want his love not his obsession. I am not demanding much just some little things which he doesn't want yo give me. Its not that I am demanding anything big or asking him to take me out everyday but once in a while won't hurt. If I'm willing to make things perfect for him and if I'm trying to make him happy, he too can make little efforts. I remember he once told me that he doesn't know what to gift me and when to gift me and I told him that its totally fine gift doesn't matter but sometimes I too want him to do something special for me just a little effort and nothing else but I know that is never gonna happen.

I guess I have a bad habit of forgiving him even when he doesn't deserve it. His mistakes aren't forgivable anymore and I should have left him on the very same day when he raised his hands on me or when he forced himself on me but I guess I'm too weak to do that and still I'm gonna try atleast for one last time to save this relation. I love him and he is my weakness. I just want him even if it means losing my ownself. Picking up the phone I dialed his number and decided to give it one more chance in the hope that this time it will all be ok.