An ordinary girl

chapter-22

"Its good to know your past and even sometimes its good to remember it so that you can solve the problems but it isn't fair to hold on it forever"

The problem isn't that we can't move on or the fact that we are still holding on something from our past, the real problem is that sometimes our guilt is so strong that we don't want to look beyond it and we are not ready to accept the fact that we were never so wrong. That's exactly what I have done with myself. I was so lost in my guilt for some mistakes which were not really that big of mistakes that I was not even able to see the truth which was always there right before my eyes. I wanted to repent my past mistakes so badly that I forgot that I too deserve happiness and people who have always held your hands can be wrong too.

As I told earlier that my relation with Vansh was never that smooth. We had our differences alot of them and when I went to other state for studies they only increased. I remember when I was in eleventh standard I met a boy in my school. We had one class together and he was a kind of guy which every girl would have wished for. He was studious and caring, he was someone who was perfect for me except for the fact that we belonged to different religion but still I decided to give it a try and soon we started talking and even use to text each other and I even told Vansh about it. In the starting he was ok and he didn't said anything though he knew that somewhere I have started liking the other boy. Soon our text started turning into calls amd than to late night calls and than Vansh started having problems but that was too late to stop me because I was totally attracted to the other boy and than I and Vansh stopped talking. And I was ok with it. Sometimes Vansh would call me and we would talk but that was it nothing more than that. Soon I completed my schooling and was back to my state and my parents wanted me to continue my studies from somewhere nearby. So I took admission in one of the college and decided to stay in hostel as the college was far away from my house.

The college life was good and I was getting mature with the time and was able to understand some of the realities of life too. My relationship with my boyfriend was not that smooth because we weren't able to cope with the distance and the fact that we belonged to other religion has started bothering me. Still somehow I was trying my best to make it work but things were getting hard and one day I got a call from Vansh and that call changed everything. He told me that he was suffering from some brain problems and even had a operation to cure it. I felt bad and after that I used to call him sometimes and ask him how he was. I tried to make him happy and even cared for him as a friend but what I didn't realized was that I was harming my relation with my boyfriend by doing this. I used to tell Vansh about all this and he used to listen but all he used to tell me was that we can never be together as we belong to different religion and my parents were orthodox in nature when it comes to matters like this. His constant reminder made me realized that he was right and its time to take a proper step and I decided to call it a quit. Vansh was there to support me and one day he told me that he was going to other state due to some work commitment. I didn't asked him much but after he left it was than that I came to know that he has went to the same state where I have studied and where my ex-boyfriend lives. When he called me it was than that he told me that he has gone to visit my ex. I was shocked to know that he has gone to visit him but more than that I was confused because I had no idea why he went to meet him. I waited for him to return back and when he did he asked me to meet him. We met for sometime but he didn't told me anything but after some days when I asked him what has happened there that's when he told me things I never wanted to hear. He said "baby how can you ever date a guy like you ex? He told me that whatever he wanted from you he has already gotten it and now he wanta nothing from you"

The statement was enough to break me not because my ex told all this to Vansh but because it wasn't true we never had been that close. I was in pain but one day I decided to confront my ex and ask him what really all this is. I took Vansh's permission first and than I called him and when I asked him the truth he told me that he has never said anything like that and than again I was left in a confused state. I decided to call Vansh and talk to both of them on conference and when I called Vansh and asked him he said that he don't wanna talk about it and I should decide with whom I want to be. The fact that he was not accepting the truth made me angry and I told him that I don't wanna be with him and I ended the call. There was just one thought in my mind and that was that maybe I was wrong but I have never dated him and how could he say such lies about me and than can neglect it infront of me. I was still trying to cope up with the pain when one day I got a call from Vansh's brother and he told me that Vansh has tried to kill himself. That made me more confused and the emotions which I felt can't be described in a word. The emotions of sadness, fear and confusion all were there. I wasn't able to understand that why he did that and what was the need to do that but I was relieved that he was ok but I was hurt too that his brother threatened me that if something happens to him he won't leave me. And this made me go back to him though I was not wrong I still apologized to him and promised him that I won't ever repeat it again.

Maybe I was wrong when I didn't accept his love and maybe I was wrong even when I started dating someone else but was he right? The fact that he wanted me anyhow and he even forced me to come back wasn't doing justice with his love.

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