alternate feelings || bws

chapter three || "sorry doesn't mean shit"

I stand there, staring up at the house- no mansion in horror. It looks sounds and smells disgusting and I bet it once used to be beautiful, the house that everyone envied. Teenagers were littered about everywhere, wherever you looked there would be at least one doing something most likely illegal or stupid.

Social situations weren't really my thing, something bad seems to happen at every single one I attend but everyone wants me to attend. It's not a party without Lauren. Shitty music was being played loudly, it was one of them rap songs where you couldn't understand a word; not that it made any sense anyways. Just on the grass outside I could see puke everywhere and I could smell it mixed with drugs, alcohol and sweaty teenagers from here.

I was dreading going inside, knowing that it was going to be so much fucking worse. You were suffocated in parties; there wasn't a part of it that had not one human in. They were filled to the brim, the host wanting as many people as possible to feel popular but really they only wanted the free stuff and an excuse to get absolutely hammered and sleep with whoever they wanted.

I slowly walk up the driveway, the gravel crunching under my feet. People were shouting my name and saying hello to me and I simply just waved with a tight smile plastered onto my face. I show my face for an hour then I leave, I didn't want to leave my dad alone for too long. He insisted he was totally fine, telling me to have fun and he'll see me in the morning but I could see right past his blatant lie. He was the worst he had ever been but it gave him some peace of mind when I went out and had "fun", he wanted me to be a teenager but my life didn't make that easy.

As soon as I entered my name was yelled and cheers were heard and I simply just rolled my eyes and took a cup out of someone's hand, not caring what it was and downing it before passing the empty cup back to them. They hadn't noticed, too busy with their tongue down someone's throat.

"Lauren!" Someone shouts and I look to my right to see Luisa emerging from the kitchen. "I'm so glad you came!" She exclaims, a smile on her face.

"Thanks for inviting me, you have a lovely home." I say, it wasn't nice now as it looked like a bomb of drunk hormonal kids had hit it but I'm sure it is when it's in the usual state it is in.

"Meh, it's a bit small." She shrugs and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

It's fucking huge and I live in a two bedroomed bungalow. Typical rich kids, no house can be big enough and no handbag could be expensive enough. I won't doubt that she has the same Gucci bag in different colours to match her outfits, probably all the iPhone shades too.

We have casual small talk, the first conversation I have ever had with her in my life and she seems like a nice girl but she's very stereotypical. She's also very pretty and that makes me feel insecure, she was perfect and I hated her for it. Her skin was flawless and her hair was sleek, my skin was painted with freckles everywhere you looked and my hair was a frizzy mess no matter the amount of products I used on it.

She leaves to find Connor shortly after and I see Kirstie with her boyfriend, she sent me a small wave and I smile in response. Their group were always together, it was very rare you found them all split up at parties or anything social. Olivia used to have a crush on Tristan, he had a girlfriend at the time and she was a total bitch to Liv so I slapped her one day and ever since she's been on her best behaviour; around me at least. They aren't together anymore and a rumour was going around that he broke up with her for Liv, the day she committed suicide.

I spotted Brad looking at me, telling Tristan something before heading over my way and I throw my head back in frustration as I pushed through the sea of people to get away from him and this place, it was making me claustrophobic. I walked up the many stairs and found a balcony that thankfully had no one occupying it. It overlooked a huge back garden, a pool and a mini forest situated in it.

I close my eyes and let the wind caress my skin, blowing my messy hair out of my face and I breathe in the coolness of the night air. It was beautiful at this time, such a shame I didn't get time to admire it as the balcony door opened, allowing the screaming and music to get louder for a split second before it closed again. I already knew who it was; I didn't need to look at him.

"I'm sorry, Lauren." It sounds sincere but then I realise whose mouth it was coming out of.

"Sorry doesn't mean shit." I spit, venom in my tone.

"What do you want me to do?" He asks, he genuinely sounds upset, like he wants me to forgive him but he hasn't given me a reason to.

"Bring my best friend back." I hear him sigh behind me and come stand next to me, overlooking the garden. I feel him go to put his arm around me but I stop him. "Don't touch me." He retracts his arm and I can sense him awkwardly scratching the nape of his neck.

I didn't care if I was being rude; so far he hasn't given me a reason to be nice to him. If he respects me, I'll respect him but that's about as far as I'll go. I won't be civil with him, he doesn't deserve it.

"She talked about you all the time to Tristan. Saying how much she loved yo-"

"If she loved me she wouldn't have left me." I interrupt him and he sighs once again.

He probably thought that if he came out here and spouted some fake nice shit I would be all over him like every other girl that knows of him, that I would be his biggest fan and begging for just an ounce of his attention like every other pathetic girl. It wasn't going to happen, not even in an alternate reality.

"I got your phone fixed." He says, placing it on the stone wall in front of us acting as a guard to stop us from falling. "All the pictures are still on there. You look beautiful when you genuinely smile." I look at him for the first time tonight with a shocked expression on my face. "I'm sorry again." He smiles at me before walking away and I follow him with my eyes.

I bite my lip as I stare at my phone, what the fuck just happened and who the fuck was that?