alternate feelings || bws

chapter thirty one || "i have a train to catch"

I was always told that lying got you no where, to always tell the truth. I should have listened, for I probably wouldn't be in the situation I am right now.

I was in Brad's house, in his room, in his bed, hiding under the covers with Brad's thing centimeters from my face whilst his friends interrogated him. They still believed we hated each other again, for those exact words came out of his mouth just a few days ago. We weren't going to tell them about what was going on, about how we didn't hate each other – not one bit – and let them carry on believing a total lie. I have no idea what they would do if they knew what we were doing moments ago, and that I was where I was.

If it was up to Brad, he probably would have shouted it from the rooftops but it wasn't just his decision. It was mine to lie to them, to lie to absolutely everyone and keep this as our dirty little secret. I don't know why I was so secretive, why I was acting like I would just mysteriously combust if anyone where to find out; I just think it's better this way. A relationship is better when kept between two people and that's a fact, no one can get in the way and no one can purposefully sabotage it. Much like I know many girls would, desperate to have his dick in their mouth. Unfortunately for them, it's now in my mouth.

I was waiting for the moment one of them would sit on the bed with Brad and squash me, to even dare to get under the covers with him and kick me right in the face. It's what I deserve for the numerous sins I have committed today, I'm definitely going to need to start going to church; that's if I can step inside without hissing and burning.

"I thought you were staying with Lauren?" Connor asks, confusion laced in his tone.

"I was, but we fell out remember." I smile at him listening to my request and at the feeling of his hand secretly in mine.

Honestly these boys must be so stupid to not notice the probably quite noticeable lump in the bed, then again they could just be blind. If they were to notice though and pull the covers back, I would just be grateful that I'm not naked.

"I don't blame you, she's been super bitchy lately. Did you see her totally lose it at someone for looking at her in a way she didn't like?" Tristan speaks and I have to stop myself from launching out of her and strangling him.

Brad shifts uncomfortably and I can practically sense the grimace probably playing on his face right now.

"Well, I mean-" He starts but gets interrupted by Tristan once more.

"And how she's been storming out of all her lessons like she runs the world, back chatting people, throwing stuff at people when they won't shut up for disrupting her learning." I was about to throw him out of a window in a minute.

"Nah I like her, she just has an attitude and that isn't a bad thing; especially not in the bedroom, like just imagine-" That I'm a metre away from all of you, can hear you and have remnants of your best friend still in my mouth.

"Shut up James." I hear a slapping sound and a groan.

"Yeah, please do." Brad practically begs. "And get the fuck out of my house."

"Why? Were you doing something?" I can here the suggestive tone in Tristan's voice and my eyes roll, just as I started to like him.

"Yes actually, I was right in the middle of it."

More pointless bickering was exchanged until I finally heard the door close and I was quickly pinned against the bed before I could even blink.

My blue eyes look into his brown eyes, a smirk gracing my face as I feel something press against me and look at the clock on the wall opposite me.

"I have a train to catch." I whisper, my lips brushing against his with each word.

"Baby, don't leave me." He pleads, pouting at me and staring at me with wide eyes.

"Ten more minutes." I quickly say, lifting my head and closing the small space between us as our lips hungrily moved against each others and hands made indescribable journeys.

It was more fun when it was a secret.

The bedroom I was currently in to this overly crowded train were completely opposite to each other. In the feelings they gave me, the noises, the smell and the outcome of each.

When I got off of this train I would be in Glasgow and when I step back onto it, it would be the last time I would ever see my dad. The last goodbye I would make to him and my mother, until I returned again, if I returned again.

My head felt like it was underwater, I could only hear the rapid beating of my heart and unlike earlier, it was a total different reason. I was terrified, I was nervous and I was excited. A mixture of feelings, all created by my birth town and the people I may encounter and the smiling faces of my grandparents as I exited the train.

I missed them and I missed my auntie and uncle and I missed the best friend I had left all them years ago. Yet I was scared of the way they would treat me, the way they would look at me and if they even remembered me at all. I was a lot different than when I was seven years old, I was a teenager who had gone through too much for my young age. I was excited to be back in my neighbourhood, back in the houses and step foot inside all of the beautiful memories here.

Glasgow was my home in a sense.

On the other hand, I couldn't get over the burning hole in my chest for being away from my other home; Bradley.

this was written quickly bc i haven't uploaded in a while so i hope it's okay and not a mess like it most likely is. it's also like a filler until some of the good shit happens that i have a slight idea of but also have no clue where the fuck this book is going at the same time.