alternate feelings || bws

chapter thirteen || "not friends but not not friends"

"I'm happy Olivia, I really genuinely am. The last time I was feeling this great was when me and you were completely fucked running away from the police with a bottle of tequila in our hands. Do you remember them times Liv? Last year on your birthday where we got lost in the forest trying to get married? I guess I came here to tell you happy birthday, to give you these flowers and to tell you that you were right." I say, playing with the bracelet on my wrist which was identical to the one she was wearing six feet under me. They were friendship bracelets and they became apart of us. "You were right, he isn't such a bad person and I can just imagine you jumping up and down, clapping with joy. This was one of your fantasies, remember when you wrote a book about it and when we were mortal in pizza hut and you demonstrated our love story with salt and pepper? It isn't love, don't get too excited. Not yet anyways babe. I love and miss you, Liv, and today in honour of you I'm going to get fucked up." I say, a smile on my face as I stand up from my position of sitting on her grave.

I place the flowers in the little flower holder I had put here especially for every bouquet of flowers I buy for her. I pick up the last batch, now being dead to put them in the bin. I kiss my hand and press it against her gravestone and slowly walk away and for the first time leaving this place I had a smile on my face.

The bottles in my bag were rattling and weighing me down and I regret having them on me right now as I had to go to college as it was Wednesday but I wasn't not going to let it get in the way of me celebrating my best friend's birthday. I'll just take a sick day tomorrow, really test out my acting skills.

I reach the building and search the grounds to see Katie rushing over to me, her auburn hair in a pony tail on top of her head and her giant glasses falling from her nose making me laugh. She had a top covered with cats under overalls that were two sizes too big, she had a sense of style that only she could really pull off. When she got to me she threw her arms around me, almost knocking me over but thankfully I balanced myself and hugged her back.

"Hello Lauren!" She exclaims, pulling away from me and staring at me with her wide green eyes. "I didn't think you were coming in today, Brad said you were sick and today wasn't a good day for you. Can you believe it? Brad Simpson talked to me today! I can't believe the most popular girl is my friend and the most popular boy talked to me. Anyways, are you okay? You weren't in yesterday and again Brad said you were sick. Are you guys friends?"

Her rambling was hard to keep up with but it was something I loved about her, no matter how much it confused me.

"I'm fine, Katie, thank you. Me and Brad are – well not friends but not not friends." I smile slightly, thinking about the last two days and how happy I have been and how amazing he has been. "Anyways, I have a question for you." I smirk and her eyebrows furrow.

"What's that?"

"Have you ever been drunk before?" I ask and she slowly shakes her head. "Well, how would you like to accompany me and a few other people tonight for your first time?"

"Is this me being invited to a party?" She asks, shocked.

"Well its more of a small get together, to celebrate Liv's birthday but yes, yes you are." A huge smile appears on her face and she begins to excitedly jump up and down and a small laugh leaves my mouth as I place my hands on her shoulders to keep her down on the floor.

People look our way but I don't mind, I'm used to the attention however Katie is not and when she notices eyes on her she immediately stops; her eyes shooting to the ground and her cheeks turning a bright red.

I notice a particular group looking at me, well more like a particular person and I was quite use to his stare; having put up with it for a few years but now it means a lot more and my cheeks, like Katie's, turn a light red thankfully not as intense and noticeable as hers.

He slightly smiles at me and I return it, linking arms with Katie and walking in college to begin the day and welcome the night.

It was the end of the day, thankfully no one had noticed the multiple alcoholic beverages in my bag and I was waiting outside the gates for the group of people I was going to be celebrating with tonight in the field me and Olivia had first got drunk. It was our usual drinking grounds and it was only appropriate to go there.

I feel arms wrap around my waist and when i look down I see the ring clad fingers I am all but familiar with. A smile reaches my face and my eyes shut as he gently kisses my cheek.

"How are you, Laur?" He softly asks, concern in his voice.

"I'm good, you don't need to worry." I assure him, turning around in his arms and luckily no one was around to witness this whole thing.

"Feeling better? I missed you shouting at me yesterday."

I was wondering what he was on about, being totally fine yesterday then I remember I told him I was sick but in actual fact I was taking my dad to hospital as he had a bad turn and is still in there, the doctors not really telling me anything; under strict orders from my dad to keep it from me. He was getting worse and worse by the second and in this moment I begin to doubt going out, I should really be with my dad.

"Yeah, I'm fine now." I nod, a tight smile on my face.

"Don't lie to m-" He begins but the sound of footsteps near us cause him to stop mid sentence and for us to break apart.

Six faces come into our view, Brad's best friends and their girlfriends and my new friend. Kirstie and Luisa come over and hug me, huge smiles on their faces. Connor, James and Tristan just smile at me and man hug Brad. Katie stands to the side awkwardly and uncomfortably so I bring her in to my side, my arm around her waist.

"Okay, let's get fucked!"

And that was the beginning to a very messy night.

oh baby, you didn't break my heart for it was already broken, but now watch me break yours