alternate feelings || bws

chapter twenty seven || "can i just hit you now?"

I sat on the bench that had all the carvings from Liv and I. Our names, the date when we met, the date when we got fake married and the date that she died. I traced my fingers over each and every one of them, remembering the time I had accidentally cut myself trying to carve brad sucks dick in it and Olivia laughing at me, saying that's what I got for being mean.

I still managed to carve it, even with blood spewing from my hand and staining the bench. I still had the scar from where I slashed myself and I don't think it will ever go away. I'm just waiting for the moment Brad asks where I got it from.

Of course he was in my head again, he's always in my head and I can't seem to get him out. This all seemed like too much too soon, I went from hating his guts to loving him and for him to become my everything. I was scared, I was fucking terrified of what was happening between us.

I had never been like this with someone, acting like this with them and having feelings for them. To be doing all this affection is way out of my comfort zone but he was out of my comfort zone. I was so adamant on hating him, to never even feel another feeling for him but then he kisses me and all the goes down the drain.

It's weird isn't it, it's the virgin girl who is afraid. Normally it's the boy who has sex with no feelings attached who has this fear, who does everything to try and stop it but he's the one making this happen, he's the one who fell in love with me first without me pining after him. He fell in love with all the insults I've thrown at him, all the glares, all the slagging off and all the middle fingers directed at him. He fell in love with me being a complete bitch to him and I have no idea why. I would have slapped me so hard I would have flown to Jupiter.

I see Tristan walking up to me and just as I try to stand up and walk away he grabs my arm, I glare at him as if to say "get your hands off me before I do it for you".

"Lauren, please just listen to me and talk to me." He begs and I feel myself want to give in to me, but I'm too fucking stubborn; just like Liv always said.

"I can already smell the bullshit and it hasn't even left your mouth yet."

"Please just listen to me, it isn't some other sob story. If it upsets you at any point I give you permission to hit me." He tells me and slowly start to give in to him.

"Can I just hit you now?" I say, in a joking manner and I think he gets that by the small smile that appears on his face.

He goes to sit down but I immediately stop him and by his face he understood and sat on the floor in front of me. Perhaps it was weird that I wasn't letting him sit in her seat, but over the years here it was known as our bench and not another soul sat in our seats and just because she's gone doesn't mean it will be any different.

"I wanted to talk about Brad." He says and my heart instantly begins beating fast and hard.

"You don't have a crush on him do you?" I joke, when I was in an awkward situation all that seemed to leave my lips was shitty humour.

He laughs as he shakes his head but he instantly goes back to his serious demeanour.

"He loves you, he has since the moment he first saw you." He tells me and I nod, having him told me this himself. "But you don't know how insecure he is when it comes to you, how much ability you have to break him beyond repair." My eyebrows furrow as I look him in the eyes, nothing but truth and worry in them. "I'm begging you, please do not hurt him, you have no idea what he's going through and how much people have hurt him before but you have the power to kill him."

I stare at him, not knowing what to say and wondering why whenever it came to me, Tristan was always serious. He was all fun and games when it came to Liv and his friends but when it came to me, he suddenly turned into a wise old man with glasses perched on the tip of his nose.

"What do you mean? He isn't insecure." I brush off but the look Tristan gives me shows me that I know nothing and should probably keep my mouth shut.

"Everyone in his life has hurt him in some way, he's scared that you'll do the same but he's also putting you before him. He's promised himself to never leave you all whilst fearing you're going to leave him anyways. He won't leave you, Lauren, and I need you to promise me the same."

My mouth parts as I try to process everything that Tristan has just told me. Who's hurt Brad? Why is he scared that I'll leave him? Why has he never had this heart to heart with me himself? Is this what he talked to Liv about?

I never promise things that I can't keep, and promising Tristan was possibly the hardest thing that I have ever had to say.

"I-I promise." I nod and he smiles at me, taking my hands in his as if to say thank you without actually having to say it.

I see Brad run up to us with confusion striken across his perfect face. He knows not to sit next to me, instead kicking Tristan out of the way and messily picking me up and placing me on his lap, nuzzling into my neck and I only pray that he couldn't hear how fast my heart was beating.

"What's going on here then?" Brad asks, his voice vibrating through my body.

But before any of us could answer he makes a discovery.

"Why does it say Brad sucks dick and why is there tons of blood around it?" He questions and I have to stop the laugh from leaving my mouth.

I simply just shrug, running my thumb over the scar on my my hand with memories filling my head and a boy who I love dearly underneath me.

it's me birthday so ur welcome
for it i think someone should step up and shoot me in the head, thanks.