alternate feelings || bws

chapter twenty two || "so this is why you aren't at school"

"Brad?" I break the silence of us staring at a blank television screen; not being able to decide on what we want to watch.

He hums in response, his eyes glued to his phone and I sigh. He had barely spoken a word to me since last night and I couldn't decide the reason. My body or me telling him that I didn't want to feel anything for him and I was trying to stop whatever it was I do feel for him.

The only words he spoke after that was that he would sleep on the couch and as soon as I got into my bed I began to cry, wondering what I had done for him to be so angry at me. I could tell he was angry, his jaw clenching if he even so much as looks at me and not uttering a single word and I was getting quite fed up of hums and nodding and shaking his head.

He was giving it everything in him to make me feel like shit, maybe because I've made him feel that way for so long. I don't blame him, I only blame myself.

"Are you okay?" I ask and once again I get a hum as a shitty excuse of a reply.

I was about to explode and yell at him, I couldn't control my emotions when it came to him. Not my anger, not my feelings, not anything. He was hurting me right now, he always ended up hurting me and I needed some morphine to ease the pain in my chest.

"Whatever Brad. Stop acting like a fucking child and grow up for once in your fucking life. Yes okay, I love you and I don't want to. Is that better?" His eyes finally snap to mine and my mouth falls open at what had just left my lips.

"You what?"

"Nothing. Didn't say a single word. You need to get your ears checked." I nervously laugh, standing from the couch and walking toward the kitchen.

He follows after me, standing in front of me and looking deep into my eyes with a half smile on his face, just wanting to get bigger and bigger. He had a spark in his eyes I had never seen before.

"You love me?" He smiles. "You love me!" He states, too enthusiastically for my liking.

"No I don't. Pshh who told you that nonsense?"

"You did." He beams.

"Oh. Don't listen to me I'm crazy, like oh my God lock me up already." I pathetically say.

I didn't even know if I did love him, the words just came out of my mouth before I realised what they were and could stop them escaping. But I guess my heart was speaking and it's him my heart wants. Maybe I did love him and this was a way of telling myself as well as him or maybe it was just my anger at him spouting shit to get me into a mess I couldn't fix without hurting him, possibly it's plan all along.

"You love me Lauren, admit it."

Silence surrounds us as he waits for my answer that he wasn't going to get, if I'm not sure love is exactly what I feel for him I don't want to continue to allow him to think that and for false feelings (if they are false) to leave me lips.

"So are you going to kiss me or what?"

Just as the last word of the sentence leaves my mouth his lips were desperately pressed against mine, his hands touching my entire body and mine firmly pulling at his messy, now even messier, hair. His hands trail to my thighs, lifting me up and my legs instantly wrap around his waist.

I feel my back crashing against a wall causing a surprised gasp to leave my lips and giving him an opportunity to enter his tongue. We were kissing each other so passionately and hungrily, having not felt this in so long and wanted to intensify and make the most of the kiss; not knowing when it would happen again. We were so dependent on one another, so desperate for each other we never wanted this to end.