alternate feelings || bws

chapter ten || "can you stay?"

My hands clasped and unclasped as I stared at Brad from across the room as he took very few notes from the textbook I had given him. We were currently studying English and although he tries to not act it and play off as if he is shit at it, he's amazing. He has a way with words, he knows what they mean and he knows exactly how to word something, he's an amazing writer but he believes he isn't therefore doesn't try. Even is half-arsed shit is better than the stuff I spend hours on but in school he's too busy putting up this front and sticking to his "bad boy" reputation and quite frankly I am getting sick of seeing him with some innocent person pinned against a wall or him being rude to teachers or not even bothering to show up to class or do the work.

I wasn't expecting him to come over today, I wasn't expecting at all considering we were back to the whole enemy thing. He showed up to my door with a bag full of books and a plate of cake and after seeing that I had to let him in. Turns out his mum baked me a cake as a thank you for tutoring her son and he was forced to come over today, not that I believe that; he can't seem to leave me alone.

He had already managed to annoy me however, he didn't need tutoring, he knew that and I knew that and he was wasting my time. He knew he could pass everything if he tried, him doing English with me had proved that and although he did need some help with the other topics he could have easily passed them by himself. He once again was pretending to be someone who he wasn't.

"You don't need help, do you?" I ask, more as a statement.

His head shoots up as he stares at me with an obviously fake shocked look; he could do with some help on his acting.

"Of course I do. I, Bradley Will Simpson, have the same intellect as a pebble!" He exclaims like he was announcing something that he should be proud of and that was nothing but the truth. It was about as true as the first moon landing.

I raise my eyebrows at him, showing him that I don't believe a word he just said and he slumps back in my desk chair and rubs his hands over his face.

"I do need help but not as much as I let on." He mutters quietly and my rage goes from zero to one hundred very fast.

I spring up from the floor and tug at my hair as I pace my room with curse words spewing out of my mouth before I finally yell at him.

"For fucks sake, Simpson! You've been wasting my time, I have more fucking important things to be doing and worrying about than tutoring you for no reason just so I don't fail on my exams." I shout, my face was burning and I shouldn't be letting myself get this angry.

I'm still in my grieving stage, my dad needs me and this absolute pleb has been taking up the majority of my time for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I knew he was smart, I should never have believed it in the first place, I should never have made him one of my priorities when he's not even worth it.

"I'm sorry but there is no reason to go crazy about it." He shrugs like everything was no big deal.

My eyes burn into his, if looks could kill he would literally be six feet under right now.

"No reason to go crazy?" I was about to explode and I don't know if I could contain myself, not even the deep breaths I was currently doing to help me calm down was working. I didn't have enough energy right now.

I haven't eaten anything but a sandwich in four days, I couldn't even finish it and the room was spinning, my hands were shaking and I felt incredibly sick. If I didn't sit down I was going to pass out.

"Lauren? Are you okay? Yell at me if you're okay." I hear his voice and through my very blurry eyesight I see him stand up and make his way towards me.

His hands gently grab my waist and I was actually thankful for it because I was about to collapse. I try to breathe and to blink to restore my sight but instead I just stumble and he catches me.

"You need to lie down." He says, carefully picking me up and laying me down on my bed. "I'm going to get you some food and water, don't move."

I feebly nodded, not being able to really move my body and my eyes close and I try to steady my heavy breathing. Sweat beads were gathering on my forehead and this is the moment I knew my disorder was getting worse and worse but I couldn't stop. If I eat I gain weight and then I won't be skinny and me not being skinny means I'm not pretty. I think this about myself but then if I saw anyone else in the same shape as me it would make me sick to the stomach, I would want them to get better and tell them that they're perfect and don't need to lose weight. However, because it's me it's different.

I hear my door open and a weight on my bed and I feel some sort of food being shoved into my mouth and I chew. Not because I want to but because I have to.

Ten very slow minutes of me slowly chewing and swallowing, washing it down with a pint of water as Brad stares at me in concern and keeps his hand on my waist at all times. Sometimes brushing my unruly hair out of my face.

I didn't want him to leave, I don't know why but I don't want to be alone tonight and I wanted him to stay with me. I needed him to stay with me.

I look deep into his eyes and pull him into me, I was slightly bending upwards from my laid down position and he was bending downwards from his upright position. One hand was still on my waist and another was in my hair as both of mine were just wrapped around his neck as I tried to stop the tears from falling.

"Can you stay?" I whisper and he nods, holding me tighter.

It wasn't late, maybe around seven-ish but we both still get into bed both of us still fully clothed. He lays down on his back as I cuddle up into his chest with his arm situated around my frame.

"I'm always going to be here, Laur, even if you do just want to yell at me."

"Will you yell back?" I tiredly ask and he chuckles.

"I'll try."

Hey guys sorry for not updating for like a week, ive been super busy and ill and upset all rolled into one. hopefully i'll get back on track. thank you for all the love on this book!

you were an ocean in my mind but i doubt i was a single rain drop in yours.