alternate feelings || bws

chapter twenty five || "sorry doesn't bring her back"

once again italics mean a flashback and normal means present day, all in Lauren's pov

I search for Olivia in the crowded house, having came with her and then being dragged to the closest bedroom by Sam. I didn't mean to leave her, I tried to shout of her so she would know where I was going but I just assumed that she went off with Brad. Being close friends with him for reasons I don't know, I know she isn't shagging him since she's so far up Tristan's arse but I do wonder what they do together.

I push through the sea of sweaty bodies, trying to find the familiar head of waist length, brown, ombred hair. I try shouting her name but my voice is nothing compared to the booming music. I know she is going to be upset with me and the last thing I wanted to do was make her sad, I was here to make her happy and I've failed because of my own selfishness.

I see Brad, his hair messy and worry stricken across his face but when he sees me it turn to pure anger.

"Have you seen, Liv?" I hurriedly ask him, my eyes still looking around the room.

"Yeah but you've been too busy slagging about to notice her." He rolls his eyes, turning his back to me but I grab his arm and turn him back to face me.

His words hurt me, normally they don't bother me but today they held truth to them and the way he looked at me tore my heart into a million pieces.

"Where is she?" I ask, my throat feeling like it's closing up.

"Why should I tell you?" He asks, looking me up and down in disgust.

A tear falls from my eye, a mixture of him hurting me and worry about Liv forming them. I see his eyes soften for a second before he goes back to his cold attitude and exterior. My breath was becoming shorter as I clung onto his shirt, begging him with my eyes to tell me where she was.

He finally breaks, pulling me into his chest trying to calm me down but it doesn't work. God knows what she was about to do.

She wasn't herself lately but I ignored everything, it was until she broke down to me the other day that I noticed something was up and I told myself I would always be next to her, never leaving her alone and I failed because I'm such a slut.

"She tried to look for you, then she saw Tristan and Ana and Kelsey said some shit to her. She came to tell me she was going home, she's okay though. She's at home and she's safe."

I act instantly, pushing myself away from him and pushing my way out of the house, over the music I could hear him calling my name but I carried on running.

I was sprinting to her house which should be a twenty minute walk from here but I got there within five minutes, adrenaline pulsing through my body. I needed to get to her.

I used my key to unlock the door, swinging it open and not bothering to shut it. I know her parents were out on their anniversary meal, the only reason she was at the party as she was stopping at mine so she wasn't alone.

I run up the stairs, pushing her bedroom door open and my heart stops as I stare at her hanging body. I scream, my knees giving in as tears fall heavily from my eyes. I try and get her down, thinking there could be a chance she could still be alive but by the way she was stone cold and blue was not a good sign.

She fell lifelessly into my arms, blood from her arms covering the entirety of me.

"You're okay. Olivia? Liv, you're fine. Come on wake up, stop being stupid now." I hold her to me, brushing her matted hair out of her face and wiping her tear stained face with my blood stained hand.

The neighbours come into her room, gasping at the scene and instantly calling the paramedics.

"Lauren, hunny. Come on, let's get you out of here." They pull my arm but I yank it back.

"Everything's fine, she's okay." I tell them, everything wasn't fine and I knew that.

I just didn't want to believe that she was gone.

I hear sirens outside and people rushing up the stairs. They try to take her off of me but I don't let them, I keep tight hold of her. Not letting anyone touch her.

One of her neighbours pull me away from her, keeping me back from trying to get her away from them.

"Let go of me! What are they doing? She's fine!" I yell. "Olivia, tell them! You're fine!"

My best friend killed herself and with her, she killed a part of me too.

I stare at the ceiling as I lay awake in my bed, Brad was asleep next to me but sleep wasn't an option right now.

Tears were cascading down my face as I realised the ugly truth, it finally hitting me.

I always use to think she would turn up again, that she would come crashing through my bedroom door on mornings, jumping on me
to wake me up. That I would see her sitting on her stool at the cafe, drinking her hot chocolate and hopelessly staring at Tristan as he sat in his regular booth with Brad, James and Connor. Sometimes going over and joining them, always sitting next to him.

"Lauren?" Brad asks from beside me, his voice groggy.

"Liv's dead." I whisper, my voice cracking as more tears leave my eyes. "She's gone, she's not coming back."

That night consisted of me crying in Brads arms as he held me tightly, telling me that she's happy now and she would want me to be too. But I wouldn't be happy until my fist collides with Kelsey's face again, she did this to her and she was going to pay.

I cuddle further into Brad's chest, with two things on my mind but one of them wasn't going to leave there.

I feel content in his arms, I feel safe and it's one of the best feelings to have a home in someone.

The morning rolled around, walking through the college gates and finding the girl I hate more than anything else in this shitty world. Brad was behind me with his friends and Katie, not knowing that I was about to break every single bone of some bitch.

I searched for her and her shitty group until I finally saw her and her extension tracks.

"Hey Kelsey." I shout, still making my way up to her.

Everyones eyes were suddenly on me and just as she turns around my fist is met with her face and everyone is shouting my name as she falls to the ground.

Just as she stands up and tries to hit me back I bring her back down by her hair, her face right next to mine.

"I can make your life a living hell, just like you did to Liv's but I'm not that much of a shitty person. You killed her, her blood will be on your hands until the day you die, babe." I let go of her hair causing her to fall to the floor.

I begin to walk away, turning around to see my friends' shocked faces and Brad's slightly angry one.

"I'm sorry." She sobs from behind me.

"Sorry doesn't bring her back."