alternate feelings || bws

chapter nine || "okay gandhi"

            

I was rushing down the halls, it practically empty considering college ended a few minutes ago and it was a Friday. I always wait until the stampede has ended, for my own safety of not being trampled on and my very fragile bones being crushed by teenager's feet as they rush to go and get completely smashed and ignore every piece of work they have to do. I can't say that I didn't envy that lifestyle because I most certainly did, but right now it wasn't on my agenda and I didn't have the life for it. Maybe in another world.

I saw a girl standing in front of Olivia's locker – well a locker that once belonged to her. I didn't recognise her but she looked upset, I only knew that from the tear I saw slip from her face and fall to the ground. I study her for a few more seconds, wondering who she was and how she knew my best friend. Like a lot of people, she could regret bullying her, being a main cause of her death or she could genuinely be someone with some remorse and a heart. I really hope it's the latter since my fist is still hurting from the other day.

She looks my way, her green eyes going wide as she tries to run away.

"Wait! I'm sorry for scaring you!" I call after her, jogging a little to catch up to her and grab her wrist to spin her around to which she winces a little bit and moments of Liv doing the same come rushing in my mind.

"I'm sorry for being there, I was just thinking of some stuff-"

"You don't need to explain; you can stand there if you want." I say softly, cutting her off prior to rambling. "Are you okay?" I ask.

She shakes her head, tears welling up in her eyes and I want nothing more than to pull her in for a hug but I don't want to make her uncomfortable, I don't want her to feel suffocated and obliged to tell me everything after me showing her a simple act of kindness.

"Whatever you're going through, it will get better. I know you don't know me-"

"Yes I do, everyone does. You're Lauren McGuiness, you came in this college and all of the boys wanted you and the girls wanted to be you. You were always smiling and you had this girl under your arm and you did everything to protect her even if it meant hurting someone else. You didn't even talk that much to people, only saying something if necessary and you are by far one of the prettiest girls in this college and everyone is intimidated by you, including myself." She rambles, her cheeks flaming red as I stare at her with my eyebrows furrowed. "I can't even believe you're talking to me right now."

She reminded me of Olivia, just this shy girl who rambles about anything and everything. Has the answer to every question you ask and has so much self doubt it hurts. I wanted to help this girl, from the way she winced when I touched her wrists I knew something was up and I'm not going to let another girl take her life, not another one that I could have helped.

"On Monday, why don't you come and hang around with me." I rip a piece of paper from the notebook I was holding and the pen that was in it and write my number down, passing it to her. "Here's my number, text me and I'm sure we'll become friends in no time." She smiles at me, I'm still not sure of her name but I have to get back to my dad and I can't dawdle for any longer. "I'll see you later!" I exclaim with a smile as I begin to walk away from her.

I look behind me to see her with a smile on her face, looking up at the ceiling and I knew then and there I was going to befriend this girl and I would do everything in me to make her happy. That may be one of my flaws, I put other people's happiness before my own but when a girl reminds me so much of my best friend I had to do it. I had to save her from whatever she needed saving from.

I walk to my car and I was surprised to see someone leant against it, I already knew who it was. From the idiot stance and the brown curly hair. I roll my eyes as I walk towards it, just wanting to get home without him bothering me but apparently that's next to impossible and he will continue to annoy me until we're in our graves, even then he'll make sure our graves are next to each other. He'll even piss me off in hell.

"I know what you're doing Laur." He says as I near him.

"Are you a stalker now?" My eyes roll again.

"You're trying to help her because you couldn't help, Liv."

My face drops as I look at him; he was searching my eyes for something but I was just wondering if I really was that open or if he was a mind reader.

"You don't know anything." I say with more aggression than I probably should have.

"But I know you." He states

"No you don't." I argue.

"I know that you think Olivia's suicide was your fault, that you should have saved her and she would still be here but you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved." That hit me harder than it should have, how he already knew my thoughts and feelings and was trying to help me. To make me feel less guilty about being unable to help Liv but I should have helped her and now I can help someone else and I'll do everything in me to make sure she is okay.

"Okay Gandhi thanks for the speech. Can I go now?" I fold my arms, staring at him with stone cold eyes.

"That girl isn't Liv."

"You think I don't know that? Liv's fucking dead because she left me because she was so fucking sad she killed herself and I should have done something. I should have saw the signs and helped her, she needed me and I wasn't there."

"You need to help yourself before you help anyone else." He tells me, looking deep into my eyes before walking away.

"Thanks for the fucking advice Winnie the Pooh." I shout and jump into my car.

My head drops to the steering wheel as I think over everything he had just said.

He needs to stop watching so many fucking films and keep out of my life and my business.

at the end of each chapter am writing a little sentence just to get me out my feels and idk show you whats going through my head that day lols. here is my first one and i think being in love for the first time with someone that is fucking me over really helps. wouldn't recommend but its great content.

i wanted you when you were someone else's and that's the moment i knew i was completely and utterly fucked.