alternate feelings || bws

chapter sixteen || "sorry, fresh outta those"

Do you ever get those days that you don't know what's wrong? You just feel so down, so upset and you have no idea why so you search for reasons and just dig the whole of sadness or depression deeper and deeper until you hit rock bottom. Where you just want to be at home, swarmed up by duvet covers and tear filled tissues or not be here at all. I often feel like this and I think about how bad Olivia must have felt to take her own life, she was probably below rock bottom; she had probably hit hell and just couldn't take it anymore. I can't deal with this so I can't even begin to imagine what she was feeling.

Sometimes I can just think about the good times and I feel a little better but I don't think she could do that, it was impossible for her to make herself happy so she just ended it to be in an eternity of happiness and serenity. I don't blame her for it but I miss her and some days I hate her for leaving me.

Today is an example of one of them days, waking up with no one in the house and no stupid good morning texts I always used to get from her that filled my phone storage because I refused to delete them and thankfully didn't delete when Brad got my phone fixed due to him being a clutz and dropping it in the pond

I look around my room to see so many memories of her and I, my room was like a shrine to her but somehow it manages to help me. All the pictures or simple tickets from concerts or the movies were when she was happy and everyday they manage to bring a warmth to my heart.

I had work today and it just reminds me of all the times she sat with me during my shifts drinking her weight in double chocolate milkshakes with a shot of mocha and cream and marshmallows on top with her homework scattered around her. She talked my ear off during them and I found myself annoyed at her sometimes, her distracting me from actually working but now I realised I should have appreciated them more as she was giving up her free time to be with me and make the hours go by faster. I miss her so fucking much.

"Guess what happened today!" She exclaims as I tie my apron around my waist and she French braids my hair so it's up and out of my face.

"You finally got a life?" I joke and she flicks my head causing me to laugh and reach behind me and tickle her sides.

"Lauren!" She shouts, jumping away from my hand bringing my head with her. "No not yet, but Tristan talked to me today." I can tell she was beaming.

I supported her crush to the best of my ability but I was wary of it, she would let him hurt her a million times over even if it meant he would pay her the slightest bit of attention. Then again she knows if he ever hurt her he would be dead within seconds, I was so protective over her and she knew it and sometimes she took advantage of it but I don't mind. I've gotten in fights with so many people for her and I don't regret a single one.

"What did he say?" I ask, trying to become interested but I just couldn't. I hated what he was doing to her.

"I mean, I was talking to Brad-" My eyes roll. "who is actually very nice and someone, not naming any names, should give him a chance since it's obvious he's drooling over her-"

"Liv, me and brad are never going to happen; he doesn't like me and I certainly don't like him. Maybe if he crawls back into his mum's vagina and comes out with a better attitude I might think he's okay." I interrupt her.

"Whatever you judgemental bitch. Anyways, as I was saying I was talking to Brad, having a very nice conversation and he very kindly stuck up for me-"

"Who was giving you shit?" I question as I walk towards the counter to start her milkshake and she sits down on her favourite stool and begins to get her homework out of her bag.

"No one, it's fine. Now stop interrupting me."

"I swear to god if it was Kelsey."

"Laur, it's fine okay? She's probably scared of that time you broke her nose after she just got it done and now Brad considering he threatened her." The idiots done something nice for once. "Now, so me and Brad were chatting and Tristan comes over and says hello to me and asks me how I was! How unreal is that!"

"I'm happy for you, invite me to your wedding." I say, putting the toppings in her drink and passing it to her and she smiles as she takes a drink of it. "Stop at mine tonight?" I ask and she nods, too focused on her drink now.

"I love you, Laur."

"I love you too, Olivia."

My hands were pressed against the counter as I looked to her seat, just wanting her to be in it with her milkshake disappearing by the second. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes but I blinked them away and scouted the diner for someone who needed to be served and I inwardly groaned as I saw the group that seems to be here every time I'm working, almost like they have a copy of my schedule.

I make my way to the table with a frown on my face and the notepad and pen in my hands.

"What can I get you guys today?" I ask.

"A second chance?" Brad asks causing the boys to look at him in confusion apart from Tristan.

"Sorry, fresh outta those." I fake a smile.

"Laur come on," He begins but I cut him off, the nickname hitting me hard.

"Don't call me that. Now you're wasting my time and I have other tables to serve." I say, walking away to the other group of boys I recognise from school.

I ask them what they want, them thankfully answering without all the cringey pick up lines a lot of the boys in here sling at me like it's a part of their second nature. I take their order to the kitchen and begin to prepare their drinks just as the same curly haired boy comes over to me and sits in Liv's seat.

"Lauren, please stop doing this shit were you act like a stone cold bitch. I hate that girl."

"Lucky for you that girl hates you too and that's the only version of myself that's gonna be available to you." I sarcastically smile, the room beginning to spin and I try to focus but right now it seems impossible.

"Lauren-"

"Brad, leave me the fuck alone." I snap, my eyes trying to close themselves.

"Lauren, sit the fuck down."

I don't get the chance to as my vision goes and I'm left with darkness as my body hits the cold, tile floor and the world seems to stop as I fall unconscious.

new cover who dis?