He's No Good - Zayn Malik

Chapter 51: In the past

As promised!
.. even though it's short sorry..
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- "I didn't think he would actually die..." He pauses again, now violently fiddling with the hem of his sweatshirt. 


I somehow I wish he hadn't just told me all this, because now I can't get the pictures of him,with a bloody knife in his hand that flashes though my mind out of my head. 


But on the other hand, it wasn't exactly a premeditated murder like my friends basically had made it out to be - it was definitely self defense. 
And if that guy was choking him, then really what else could he have done? 


But of course this is Zayn - Zayn who also beat up Liam when he told Zayn to stay away from me, and as far as I'm concerned he has lost his temper and gotten violent like that before - more than only a couple of times.


I mean even though I honestly feel like this doesn't matter because it happened in the past and I most of all feel like comforting him, it is kind of is a big deal, Isn't it? I mean he actually killed someone! He's lucky enough that he's not locked up and everything. 


He shoots me a quick glance, and runs his hand trough his hair.


- "Look I don't blame you if you.." he says and shakes his head resignedly and flexes his jaw. "I understand if you can't cope with it. I know it's horrible," 


- "It was self defense," I quickly say, maybe mainly to myself in order to keep from freaking out and label him as a bad person.


- "Yes it was, but I didn't have to fucking kill him - I could have just stabbed him in the leg or something!" he sounds angry with himself, and like he wants me to be upset with him now, making me even more confused.


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Zayn's POV



As much as I'm angry with myself and regret what I have done, I now also fucking regret telling her all the details about it, making it seem so much worse probably. 
I'm afraid she will think different of me.


I completely understand if she doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, but at the same time it would fucking hurt so bad. Now when I'm with Zoe and because of the fact that I love her, I feel like I have so much to lose.


I only ever told my mum, because, well I came home crying into her her arms honestly. But also she was the only one who could help me sort out the case and eventually got me off the hook - which is quite amazing since as a lawyer she could easily get fired for something like that.


Jason was my alibi, even though it's not very solid because he was a suspect as well but, they still had no prove whatsoever.


Anyway they quickly closed the case, since that guy who died was kind of a waste of space anyway apparently, even though I'm pretty sure they all knew it was me anyway down at the police station. - Gained a lot of respect for my reputation around town though, and girls love bad boys.


I felt miserable to begin with, so after only like a week my mum forced me to take therapy sessions for a while.


They were okay. My psychologist didn't even ask specifically into what happened, only how I felt about it. He said I had PTSD, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder or whatever, but it wasn't that bad and it still isn't.


I know I have a temper and can lose it sometimes but I've always been like that -anyway I never told my therapist about my dad.


Back then I had nightmares almost every night and my emotions were kind of going crazy - and well for a while I didn't really give a fuck about anything, so eventually I stopped meeting up for my sessions.


I just wanted to feel normal again I guess - and instead I just experimented a bit with different types of drugs and eventually my nightmares stopped and I didn't really think all that much about it anymore.


Zoe's glance, her eyes now more determined wakes me up from my depressing flashbacks from the past, and I glance back at her.


Her face doesn't really show any kind of emotion, not disgust nor acceptance, as she scoots closer to me on the bed, her body almost touching mine as she reaches out and grabs my hand. 

Her eyes look worried but they are soft, suggesting that she at least isn't scared of me.


- "It's in the past," she mutters. She doesn't sound too sure, but it's definitely better than silence.

 
- "I'm sorry I kind of freaked out when Harry or whoever told you about it.." I say. "I just didn't want you to hear only their side of the story. I kind of crossed the line, I frightened you I think," 


She smiles and nods slightly.
- "No it's okay, I get it now. It's just a bit overwhelming - no actually a lot," she says and furrows her eyebrows when she apparently notices the tiny distance there is between our faces as I scoot a little closer, and I catch her eyes quickly flickering from my eyes and down to my lips and back, making me regain a bit of my confidence. 


- "I know it is.. But what do you say we just put this behind us? Everything was just going so well yesterday," It's a lot to ask but I just want it to be the way it was last night. 


I giver her my best persuasive glance and slowly entwine our fingers as her eyes linger on my lips for the second time. 


- "I guess," she says, her perfect lips curving upwards into a smile that I return. "Déjà vu. I feel like I'm always forgiving you for something," she grins slightly, making a strange feeling rise from my stomach - and I have to agree with her, but instead I tilt my head slightly upwards, pushing out my chin to make my lips more available and easy for her to reach.


And she kisses me.
- "But you still want me." I grin. "Even though I'm a dick,".
She laughs and shakes her head and I kiss her again, but I hold back a bit knowing that right now is not an appropriate time to try and take it further even though I really feel like it.



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Lol sry this was kind of just a continuation of chapter 50, but anyway.......

And I'll just say this one more time; I'm in Scotland next week so I wont update before April 12 or 13 :/